Friday, December 19, 2008

My second week of Radiation

I have just finished my second week of Radiation treatments. I think I'm doing pretty good. The first week was pretty bad! I had a really hard time laying on the metal table with my right arm down at my side. The chemo has left my joints in my arms very stiff and sore. I am in so much pain that I was moving a few centimeters while they were trying to get the x-rays prefect. My cancer is in my left breast plus it had attacked a bit of tissue. My Radiologist said we had to make sure there were no mistakes so my heart was not damaged during radiation.

After the fourth very long day on the table. I finally told them that my right arm was killing me and I believe that is the reason I was moving those few centimeters. We finally found a comfortable position for my arm and a clear shot of the tattoo on my right side. The tattoos were put on my body to make sure I am lined up correctly on the table.

Right now I'm feeling good! Plus no burn marks yet.

My hair is growing back everyday. I see a short, hip hair cut in my near future.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Update on Faith and Hope

The girls are doing well. Faith is approaching 8 lbs and Hope is likely over 7 lbs now. We still struggle at times getting them to eat what we "think" they should eat. Hope still has something with her eyes that we have been referred to a retina specialist for. The blood vessels in her eyes have grown almost all the way out, but there is some sort of tissue or something that may be blocking completion. Apparently everything looks fine where vision takes place, but the ophthalmologist wants us to see the specialist. It may require nothing, but it also could require some sort of laser surgery. She also suffers from acid reflux, but the prevacid she is on seems to be helping. Other than that things seem to be going pretty well. Hope smiles once in a while at us and I think Faith might have a little (but not as often or as big).

I finally have Ethan's new room done and am starting on Mackenzie's and Caylee's new room (Ethan's old one). Then I'll undertake the twins new room (the older girls' old room). We had a good Thanksgiving and are gearing up for Christmas.

Thank you for your continuing prayers and support.

Prayer request(s):
1) Please pray for Hope's eyes

2) Continue to pray for the long term development, etc for Faith and Hope

3) Continue to pray for us as a family (adjusting still, getting rest, etc.)

4) Whatever else God lays on your hearts...

Merry Christmas!!!
Jason and family...

Monday, November 24, 2008

My Radiation will start on December 3rd

I had my mould, CT scan and my Tatto on Thursday. I am already to start my radiation treatments on December 3rd. I was upset about the whole process on Thursday but it all had to be done to get me ready for radiation. I didn't want to write on my blog right away because I was in a really foul mood for a few days. My radiation will be at 10:00 a.m. Monday thru Friday until mid-January.

Please pray that the cancer will be gone after all of this.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Radiation Treatments

I am feeling pretty good these days. I have a lot of joint aches in the evening. Advil relieves the pain enough that I can sleep.

I will be going in for my appointment with my Radiologist on November 20th at 8:30 a.m. I will have my body cast made at 9:00 a.m. I really wanted to wait until after the holiday's to start but they said that was to long to wait. I have been through a lot in the last seven months so I'd better finish this out. They did meet me half way; I get Thanksgiving week off. I will start Radiation treatments the first week in December. This will be a Monday through Friday event. I can do this!

This is a little information of what I will have to do before I can start my treatments.

Body mould

Because radiotherapy is designed very precisely to treat exactly the right area, it is important to keep that part of the body as still as possible during treatment. With this goal in mind, a see-through plastic device called a ‘mould’ or ‘shell’ can be made for certain parts of the body. Because I have Breast cancer, I have to have a full body mold.

In the mould room, a plaster cast is made of the body. This is designed to fit snugly and I will need to wear it only for the brief minutes of each treatment.


Before my radiation treatments can start, I will have a ‘planning’ or ‘simulation’ appointment. This is an appointment where my treatment will be simulated, and x-rays or a CT-scan will be taken by radiation therapists. This takes between 15-45 minutes. The information from these scans helps the radiation oncologist plan the treatment.

During the simulation session, I will be lying on a fairly hard table. Every effort will be made to ensure that I am comfortable, with pillows and foam pads.

I must be able to lie very still for a few minutes for accurate measurements to be taken and my position to be recorded because it must be reproduced each day you have treatment.

Once my final position has been determined, permanent, pinpoint tattoo marks are made.These are also a good way of making sure I am set up in the right way each time. These tattoo marks are also useful once treatment has finished to show where the radiotherapy was delivered.

I'll write more about this after my appointment. I'll be pretty busy the next 2 months.

Friday, October 31, 2008

I'm walking on Sunshine and It feels GOOD!

WooooHooooo!!! No more Chemo, no more chemo, no more chemo!! It felt so good to wake up and remember I don't have to go to chemo. It's been a long seven months but the worst is over.

God Is Good… All the Time! He’s put a song of Praise in this heart of mine!!!!!!

Today I feel like dancing, I'm gonna dance the night away. Oh yes I feel like dancing.... I’m walking on sunshine, wooah I’m walking on sunshine, wooah
I’m walking on sunshine, wooah And don’t it feel good!! It feels GREAT!

I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, down in my heart to stay! Yes, I'm so happy, so very happy I have the love of Jesus in my heart. I can't even begin to write down how I'm feeling today. Relief, joy, full of life.....Oh my, I could go on forever. Well, I'm just really, really happy.

I have slept more in the last week then I have in a long time "BUT" this morning, I feel well rested and really, really good.


Have a blessed weekend all! I do believe I'm going to.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What is Next?

Many people have asked what is next for me.

I still have 38 Radiation treatments to go plus I will be on Hormonal Therapy for five years after my radiation treatments.

I'm not sure when I will start the radiation treatments. My Oncologist would like me to start in three weeks. I really would like to wait until after the holiday's. I would like to start my treatments the first week in January. I really have to talk to my Doctor and see if that will be ok.

I'll update this blog after I meet with my Radiologist.

My head reminds me of a chia pet. Everyday it seems to grow just a little bit.

First every pictures! I'll try and post one picture a week so you can all see the growth. Your hair really does grow back after Chemo.
> One week later from front of head. 10-29-08 From the back of my head. 10-29-08

Thank you again for praying for me. Right now, all is well.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Our God is an Awesome God!

HOPE IS HOME!!!!!!!!!

We got home with Hope around 2pm today. We got our first feeding in and things are going well. It is probably a good thing that we can "ease" into having 5 kids at home. Hope weighs 4 lbs 5 oz now, and I think Faith will get weighed tonight. Faith took a full bottle for me today (the first time she has done that for me). She is doing much better eating, and I would guess she'll be home within a week or so. Well, Hope is calling for me.... gotta go...

Jason, et al

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's Over!

Chemo is over! I have to leave for work but I wanted to thank all of you for your support these last seven months. I start Radiation treatments in three weeks but I don't think that is going to be to bad.

Psalm 150
Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing;(See, it's in the scriptures) Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


ONE more chemo treatment to go!! Woooohoooo!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's almost time for my Party! Two more chemo treatments to go!

It is almost time to celebrate! I have two more chemo treatments to go.

I have to think about this one for a bit....Hmmmmmm....What to do. I know I will be dancing all the way to my car. I'll be singing the happy dance song. I might even hug all the people I come in contact with that day. Some might think I'm strange but whooooo cares! I've almost made it! I'll be singing praises to our Awesome Lord and Savior for all He has done for me!

Psalm 150
Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing;(See, it's in the scriptures) Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!

I was able to talk with four chemo patients on Friday. I drive myself now so I try to talk to as many people as possible so I can find out what they are their for.

I talked to two ladies; They both had bone cancer.

I also talked to two gentlmen; One had stomach cancer and the other had cancer of the liver, kidney and stomach.

All four of these chemo patients I talked to on Friday were in stage 4. They were taking chemo to live longer. There isn't a cure for their cancer but chemo has kept them alive longer. I enjoyed getting to know the other people being treated.

Things do happen that are out of our control. One of the chemo patients that I have had chemo with for over a month now, stopped breathing during his chemo treatment on Friday. It was very frightening! I almost didn't write about it but others must know what to watch out for if you are taking chemo.

This man was around my age 45-50. He had a reaction to the chemo he was taking, the first two times he took it. I think the man was on Taxol but I'm not 100 percent sure. It looked the same as what I was on before I had a reaction to it. This was his 4th treatment. The first two treatments he was having trouble breathing.

BTW- My hand is almost back to normal now. I have a little swelling but not like it was when I was on taxol.

He was talking with the rest of us for a while. I stopped talking to do my Bible study for our Wednesday evening program. I looked up after about 10 minutes and this man's eyes were rolled back in his head. I yelled out "Oh MY Goodness". The nurses all ran to him and started working on him. One nurse was yelling "Breath Mr. ... We can't lose you". Another was yelling Code Blue call 911". They started CPR on him and then they finally had the shot another nurse was yelling to give him. When he did come back, the breath he took in was so loud, it scared me, yet I was watching the whole thing. I praise God that He answered prayer right then and spared this man's life.

I cried the rest of the day. Not just because I was frightened but because I am in stage three cancer and I haven't had to change my life much because of my cancer. Yet I see and hear what others are going through and I know that our God is carrying me through all of this. I feel guilty at times knowing I am doing good and others are having a hard time of it. This past Fridays chemo was like none I have faced so far. When people tell you they almost died from chemo, believe them. I have had friends that have had to take chemo, tell me this but until Friday, I really didn't understand. I see people getting blood, platelets. Being sent home because their blood counts are to low. I see people come in looking like they weigh about 90 pounds and close to their death bed. Yet I feel sorry for myself because I have no hair and I have to paint on my eyebrows and eye lashes. That is nothing compared to what happened to this man or what others are facing. Shame on me for complaining about things that don't matter.

Keep praying for me! God truly is answering our prayers.

Prayer requests:

My blood counts were a little low so please pray they will stay up enough for me to finish my last two treatments.

I meet with my Oncologist on Friday so she can get me set up with my Radiologist. I will be starting radiation treatments soon. Pray I can get the schedule I need in order to get the kids off to school and get to work on time. I have to take Radiation Monday thru Friday for 38 treatments.

Please also pray that this did kill all of the cancer!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Another update!

I have so much to share but I really don't have the time to share it right now. I'm doing fine! Really I am! I'm busy living!! Something happened on Friday at Chemo that has even changed me more. I'll share all about it soon, hopefully tomorrow. Tonight, I wanted to post this update on the twins.

Well it's been two days again...Update as of Oct. 14th


Yesterday, Faith got bumped up to 36 cc per feeding and Hope got bumped up to 33 cc per feeding. Faith went up in weight to 4 lbs 2.5 oz and Hope went up to 3 lbs 12 oz. Hope's head grew some more (another 0.5 cm), so that is going pretty well. The physical therapist did baseline evaluations on the girls. Faith apparently is slightly more stiff on her left side and Hope has slightly more stiffness in her legs that the physical therapist expected. I don't think it is a huge thing, but more of a baseline reference to know what to work on. We have been told to go ahead and bring in our car seats so they can do the car seat test. They put them in the car seat for an hour and monitor them. We have to watch a car seat video too. Mainly, they both need to consistently do well with eating from bottle. Also, Faith needs her head to be stable. The doctor remarked on how quickly they have come in such a short time. Praise God.

Today, Faith had her head scan and.... she is still stable. So, no poke! It has been over a week now. They are going to check her again next Tues. (that will be over 2 weeks!). The doctor said that even if she goes home without having had a shunt, it doesn't mean she won't end up needing one later. But things look really good and we are trusting God. Faith was bumped up again to 38 cc per feeding and Hope was bumped up again to 34 cc. They also moved the girls back to the other side again because there are so few babies in the whole NICU. There are only 9 babies in the whole place right now. They put them in their own room again.

Tomorrow, both girls will have their eyes examined again (it has been 2 weeks already...). We are praying that the development will be complete and still with no problems. We also have a 'care conference' tomorrow morning to discuss 'discharge planning'.

Prayer request(s) (still pretty much the same):
1) Continue to pray for Faith's hydrocephalus (enlarged ventricles) and the successful treatment of it.

2) Continue to pray that both of the girls do well learning to take food orally and that they continue to digest it well

3) Continue to pray that the girls' eyes continue to develop well

4) Continue to pray for Hope to continue to grow and develop well (especially her brain/head growth and development)
5) Continue to pray for the girls to continue to fight off their anemia
6) Continue to pray for the doctors and nurses caring for Faith and Hope.
7) Continue to pray for Steph and my health, strength, faith, courage, etc.

8) Continue to lift up our older children
9) Pray for the long term development, etc for Faith and Hope.

10) Whatever else God lays on your hearts... (like things to start to be eliminated from this list :-))

Good night...

Jason and family

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'm a big girl Now!

I'm doing pretty good with this new chemo. I have taken it twice now! My left hand is clearing up. A lady from my church told me about a product called Cetaphil it is a hand soap and lotion. She said to try it on my hands. They look 75 percent better in just a week. My swelling isn't as bad this week as in the past few weeks.

I am just so relieved to be almost done with chemo. Last week I was able to drive myself to chemo for the first time since all of this began. I felt like such a big girl. I made up a little song that I sang all the way to the hospital. LOL!! It goes something like this.

I'm a big girl now, wooohooo
I'm a big girl now,

I'm driving myself to chemo,
I'm a big girl now. Yeah!!

This might sound silly but I really did sing that song. (to my own little tune) plus, I was clapping and smiling away.

I feel so much better with out being on steroids and benadryl.

Thank you Lord for watching over me and taking care of things that I can do nothing about!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Abraxane, my new Chemo and more...

I had my seventh Chemo treatment today. I am now on a chemo called Abraxane. It is a form of Taxol without all the side effects. My hands are doing so much better. I didn't get the hives, blisters, and very little swelling this week. I've had a cold all week but I never ran a fever. God really has been with me.

My blood counts were o.k.

WBC 3.6
RBC 3.39
HGB 12.0
PMN 2.4
Platelet 244

Not bad for months of Chemo treatments.

Only three more chemo treatments!!! Yea!!!!

Living for the simple things in life: Life After Chemo#links

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A new Chemo!

I finally have a little time to sit down and post an update. I am so grateful for all of your support, prayers and comments. I walked into my appointment last Friday to see my Oncologist and I had a peace about the whole situation. Our God is Awesome and in control off everything that is happening to me.

Because of the reaction I was having to the Chemo a few weeks back. They would let me continue with my Chemo until I meet with my Oncologist.

This is what has been taking place. Since I started Taxol, my hands and face having been retaining water. I wrote how I was walking in the morning with a sweatshirt and a winter coat on to try and get rid of some of the water I was retaining. At first, this work. I have also been getting little blisters on my hands. My left hand was much worse than the right. When these blisters popped they would itch real bad and leave scabs that would turn into dry patching all over my hands. Really, this was nothing that I couldn't have handled until my chemo was done. This did get worse the more taxol treatments I had.

After my fifth Taxol treatment I blew up like a balloon. My hands and face hurt pretty badly from the water I was retaining.

To make a long story short, on Friday my Oncologist give me three choices.

1. I could take two weeks off from Chemo and see if my hands cleared up, then try the Taxol again.

2. I could change Chemos.

3. She said she didn't really think I wanted to stop treatments altogether but I could if that is what I wanted.

I chose switching Chemos. I am now on A...(I'll have to find my paper work from Friday so I can find the name of the Chemo).

I'm not sure of all the side effects. I'm personally not having any side effects that I can recall at this time. The good thing is that I no longer have to take any pre-meds. No more steroids, benadryl, or nausea medication. That means I no longer have to take both of my routes off on Friday's. I can drive myself to my treatments. I just hated bothering people for a ride. I know everyone of my driver's were more than willing to drive me but I feel alot better about all of this now. If any of my driver's wants to still come with me, I would love to sit and talk with any one of you.

I again want to thank all of you for everything. I'll update this blog when I have time. Life is busy right now but I really am doing great. I have a little cold but I'm getting over.

My hair is growing more and more every week. YEA!!!! It is blood right now but who knows, it could change colors while it grows in. That would be so funny! I have never died my hair before. Could you imagine if my hair comes in blond? I've been a brunette my whole life. I'll keep you all posted and maybe even post a picture from time to time. : )

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Update on Twins

Ok, it has been a couple days again....

More good news! Faith's head scan came back with more improvement / stability. The measurement of her ventricles further reduced from 3.0 cm to 2.7 cm. and the blood clot seems to have reduced a little in size again. The comments from the scan was an overall mild ventricular reduction and the word stable was used. The doctors are now going to do the lumbar punctures every other day now, so Faith had a day off yesterday. :-) We still won't know about reservoir / shunt stuff for weeks to months, but progress is occurring. Keep praying. Both girls are gaining weight and Faith is now above her birth weight too. Faith is ~3 lb 7 oz now and Hope is ~2 lb 14.5 oz (not quite 3 lb yet, but she'll catch up). There isn't a lot more to report, except we are getting rather tired (the adrenaline must be wearing off). Steph got to give the girls a bath again last night. I am going to try to work more of a full day today (I'll only get one visit today... :-(). Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers; keep them up they are working.

Prayer requests (still pretty much the same):

1) Continue to pray for Faith's hydrocephalus (enlarged ventricles) and the successful treatment of it.

2) Pray that both of the girls continue to do well with their feedings and that they will do well when they start learning to take food orally (probably ~1-2 wks out yet)

3) Getting a head start on praying about the girls not having retinopothy of prematurity (blood vessels not developing correctly in / around the retinas).
4) Continue to pray for the doctors and nurses caring for Faith and Hope.
5) Continue to pray for Steph and my health, strength, faith, courage, etc.

6) Continue to lift up our older children
7) Pray for the long term development, etc for Faith and Hope.
8) Whatever else God lays on your hearts...

Jason, et. al.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Twins Update

I was so excited to be able to watch Jason and Stephanie's little girls on Thursday so they could go to the hospital to be with Faith and Hope. I really enjoyed my time playing with the girls. This morning while I was waiting to practice with my Worship team the girls came in with their grandparent. They both ran up to me and gave me big hugs. I was very blessed! I asked if I could go back and sit with them again on Thursday. Ministering can be so much fun! The girls and I sang every song we could come up with. It was a lot of fun!

Ok, this is a two-for-one day... :-)

We just got back from seeing the girls. Faith is still in her "big girl" crib and seems to be handling it well. They both have been bumped up to 24 calories per whatever unit. We got to talk to the doctor tonight and she relayed some information regarding Hope's recent head scan that I couldn't keep in. She said the recent head scan showed some improvement in the portions of her brain that had shown up before as probably having been affected during the time of low oxygen and low blood flow. Praise God! Faith will have another head scan tomorrow. We pray that it shows continued progress or at least no worsening. There seems to be more and more talk of what type of things will take place before, during, and after the girls come home and that is also encouraging.

Prayer requests (still pretty much the same):

1) Continue to pray for Faith's hydrocephalus (enlarged ventricles) and the successful treatment of it.

2) Pray that both of the girls continue to do well with their feedings and that they will do well when they start learning to take food orally (probably ~2 wks out yet)

3) Getting a head start on praying about the girls not having retinopothy of prematurity (blood vessels not developing correctly in / around the retinas).
4) Continue to pray for the doctors and nurses caring for Faith and Hope.
5) Continue to pray for Steph and my health, strength, faith, courage, etc.

6) Continue to lift up our older children
7) Pray for the long term development, etc for Faith and Hope.
8) Whatever else God lays on your hearts...

Thanks again,
Jason and family....

Friday, September 26, 2008

I'm doing a happy dance today!

I'm doing a happy dance today!

I'm soooo happy very happppppy. I'm on a different Chemo. NOOOOO meds! I feeeellllllll ggggrrrreeeaattttt!

I'll blog all about it later but I wanted to update my blog right away.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What to Do?

I am having an allergic reaction to the Taxol treatments. I am suppose to meet with my Oncologist on Friday to discuss my options. My hands get little blisters on them, when they pop they leave my hands very itchy and then it forms dry patches. Yesterday and today I woke up very puffy. I am retaining a lot of water in my hands and under my eyes. I really hate it this. My hands hurt they are so puffy today.

They said I could switch to a different kind of Chemo so I really just have to wait and find out all the information. They also mentioned that I could just stop taking the chemo altogether. So much to pray about today. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Update on the Twins (Faith & Hope)

Prayer requests:
1) Continue to pray for Faith's hydrocephalus (enlarged ventricles) and the successful treatment of it.
2) Pray that both of the girls continue to do well with their feedings, and that their bowls do not develop some necrotizing something or other thing that could be very serious
3) Continue to pray for the doctors and nurses caring for Faith and Hope.
4) Continue to pray for Steph and my health, strength, faith, courage, etc. (We have heard comments about how well we are doing with all of this and we know it is because of God and the prayers for us.)
5) Continue to lift up our older children
6) Pray for the long term development, etc for Faith and Hope.
7) Whatever else God lays on your hearts...

It is kind of hard to remember what to write when I am not able to write more frequently. Yesterday morning we met again with the doctor and she also mentioned that the girls "tone" was good. She said it had even normalized in the past week or so. We asked what she meant by "tone". It is how rigid/stiff or even how limp they are. It wouldn't be good if they were either all one way or all the other. Somewhere in the middle is best and it seems that our girls are doing good that way. They increased Faith's and Hope's feeding amounts to 5 cc and 4 cc respectively. The doctor also expressed again how they want to be very cautious about not increasing too quickly. She told us that our girls are at higher risk of getting some necrotizing something or other in their bowls because of the low oxygen / low blood pressure during the early rough start they had. They have been doing well with their feeding thus far. I think it was yesterday that Hope had on a little onesie. It seems like Faith's heart rate has come back down too. I think they got ~12 cc of spinal fluid from her yesterday and she still tolerates the procedure well. This morning Steph and I both did the "kangaroo" time with them. I had Faith and Steph had Hope. We got to hold them for ~2 hrs skin to skin; it was a precious time. I think that they got another ~10 cc of spinal fluid from Faith today, and they said it is starting to not be as red as it was. This is encouraging in that is would seem to indicate the bleeding is ceased and her body is starting to break down the blood in the ventricles. I was beginning to be a little concerned about the spinal fluid remaining to be so red. They also upped the girls feeding amounts today; Faith got 8 cc and Hope got 6 cc every 3 hrs today. They seem to have tolerated that well too. We brought in a couple onsies today and tonight they both had one on. We took the older two up to seem the girls tonight too. They hadn't been up in a while, but they also had runny noses and coughs till recently too. Faith is off of her antibiotics again now too.

Well, I think that is about all I can remember now....

I'll write again later. Thank you for all your prayers.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Taxol Chemo treatment # 6

As I do each week, I thank my driver. Without this person I wouldn't be able to get my treatments. I have written before that the benadryl they have to give me affects me really badly. I just can't seem to stay awake. I am then to tried to drive home; I would be a danger to others if I tried.

Once again, I want to thank my dear friend Maria M. She took the day off of work so she could pick me up and take me "but" that is not all she did. My husband had to go on one of my motor routes with me today so he could drive. It take a good half a day to get that drug out of my system. My one sub is in Florida packing her mom up to move her to MI. When I returned home from the route, there was a bag of medications on the table for my poor hands and toe. That is a long story I'll share on Monday. I want to thank Maria and my husband Jim for caring for me today. Your love and kindness will never be forgotten.

I have to make some big decisions this week concerning my Chemo. I am having an allergic reaction to the Taxol, it has been getting worse since my first taxol treatment. I'll share all about it after I have time to pray and think about it over the weekend.

I would ask you all to pray that I make the right decision next Friday.

My work hair has become a part of Me!

As you all know from my main blog. Boaz tries to be included in all the pictures. I thought I'd take a minute and post my work wig. I got this wig free from the Cancer program they have at the Chelsea Hospital. It is a great program that I really need to take a little time and post all the information. I'll do that next week! Anyway, back to the wig.
I have a hard time changing to my Sunday wig for church because I wear this one so much. Last week, I just wore this one to church.

I just had to post this one because I really don't think Boaz can just take a normal picture.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Peach Fuzz

My hair is growing!!! I can't believe it! I have a little peach fuzz all over my head. My Oncologist told me my hair should start growing back two months after my last chemo treatment but mine is growing back already.

I had bought peaches two days ago, my little boy picked one up to eat it. He look at me and said, "Hey mom, this peach feels just like your head". LOL! I had to agree with him.

I'm growing Hair! Woooohoooo!I'm doing a little dance this morning.

Tomorrow is my sixth Taxol treatment. Only 5 to go!!

Please keep praying for me! We are doing this together.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Things Cancer patients should never Do!

Do not watch movies that have to do with cancer patients. We watched "Term (I think it should be call Tears) of Endearment" last night. I normally do not cry at movies. I might get a tear in my eyes but I never cry like a baby. When that young mom had to tell her boys that she would not be coming home from the hospital... Goodness, I could still cry! Her youngest son cried the whole time he was in the hospital room. It just broke my heart! I can't even imagine having to tell my little Bo that mommy wasn't going to make it. I kid you not! I was in the bathroom sobbing for at least ten minutes before I could get myself under control. I chuckle now but when I came out of the bathroom my husband asked me if I was getting a cold. LOL! I told him that the movie was way to close to home.

At times, I can forget I have cancer. Really, I can. As I laid on the couch last night and watched that movie, everything seemed so real. I really could die from this. Am I ready to go? I don't know! I know that I am ready to be with the Lord. I'm ready to see my little Joshua again. I'm not ready to leave my family, my friends. I've never really allowed my mind to go there. Now that it is there, I just don't know how to feel. Oh, you've got to know I'm sitting here crying my eyes out just typing my thoughts about all this into the computer. How do you die? I have no idea! What do you say to people as your dying? As each one of my family members come into my mind, I'm wondering what I should say to them. On my other blog I started sharing with my family members what they mean to me. I started with just a few people but I think I'm going to make it something I do weekly. I don't want to wait until my death bed to let people know how much they mean to me. I'm sure God will give me piece, if and when, it is time for me to go home.

Enough of that! I have a to do list that I must get done this morning. I'm feeling ok today. I'm just tired!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Joint aches/side effects that come with Taxol treatment # 5

I'm still feeling pretty good. I think I have mastered how I will feel after my Taxol treatments. The joint aches are getting pretty bad by Saturday evening now. I need to remember to take Advil before they start to hurt next week. I am fasting Friday and Saturday's now. My hands and legs have been swelling pretty badly with this chemo so I had to do something besides walking on the treadmill for an hour, with a heavy sweatshirt and a winter coat on. Getting a good sweat going is the only way I could relieve the pressure. I don't want to be taking a diuretic on top of everything else I'm taking.

Only 6 more treatments to go!

Friday, September 12, 2008

A Double Blessing Today!

This is my brother, Derik, and his lovely wife, my dear sister-in-law, Sandy.

I wanted to take a minute to thank them for taking me to my Chemo appointment today. Chemo was really fun today. Lets see! My brother made friends with at least two of the chemo patients. I think he is going to go boating with one of them. LOL! Funny thing is, I'm not kidding. This man talked to my brother while he was getting his chemo and after he was all done, stood and talked to him for a long while afterwards. He also entertained the chemo patent to his right. Lets just say, he was the life of the chemo party.

My dear sister-in-law did pay very close attention to me. LOL! They were both great.

O.K. here comes the miricles:

First, they are just amazed at my blood counts and so am I. Instead of going down, they are going up or at least staying the same.

I forgot to post them last week but here is the difference just a few weeks made.

My blood counts were up today. What a praise this is!

My blood count from last week


Secondly, (But the most important blessing) I got to go visit Jason, Stephaine, Faith and hope this afternoon. The babies are so cute! My couldn't be more on top of the world tonight than I am at this very moment.

I just received this update a minute ago 9:05 p.m. from Jason.

Steph and I both were able to hold a baby tonight. That is cool about twins we don't have to share! :-) I actually got to hold Hope for the first time and Steph got to hold Faith for the second time. The echocardiograms came back great for both girls and they gave them breast milk. While we were here, they gave a second feeding and they both had digested the first feeding. We haven't heard anything from Faith's head ultrasound today. We have been hearing several success stories from people that were in similar situations as we are with Faith. We will keep our faith strong!

Keep praying, God is answering your prayers concerning me and the twins. Yea!!!!


As for me:

I just need lots more sleep. I can't believe I slept for 11 hours last night. Goodness!! I'll be off to the hospital in a few hours getting my next Chemo treatment. I'll update any changes soon.

Update on the twins: Please continue to pray for Jason & Stephanie & family.

The result of Faith's EEG shows slight seizure activity which they are treating with medication.

Hope is off the ventilator (breathing machine), however, she still needs reminders to breath. She is on another machine called "CPAP", which forces air into her lungs. Hope had the EEG & the result was normal. No seizure activity or infection. Stephanie has been able to hold both girls for short periods of time. Both Jason & Stephanie are beginning to feel sick with sore throats, so they are concerned that they may not be able to visit the twins. Please pray. Thank you.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

She Ain't What She Used to Be

Oh, the old gray mare...I might not call myself that but I really, I'm not what I used to be, before this Chemo. I could go forever it seemed. Yesterday, I got up and cleaned the church, got my children off to school, went to my house cleaning job, My Motor route, helped my husband cook dinner and then, I CRASHED. Oh, I know what your thinking. My word, you did all that in one day. Yes, but you have to realize, I used to be able to do all that and then go work in Awana and still have energy. I sat down to watch a movie with the family and before I knew it, my head was bobbing and I was sound asleep. I guess I needed it but I don't like to waste my night sleeping.

I did sleep well last night! I feel pretty good today. Pplus my feet are doing better. The inchy little bumps are still on my hands but I'm really trying not to itch. The hospital staff told me to just keep lots of lotion on them. That is what I am doing! All in all, I'm doing good.

Tomorrow is my 6th Taxol treatment. We are moving right along!

Thanks for praying for me and for the twins. (Faith and Hope) I have no new news on them today. They are supposed to have test today. Keep praying for that miracle! I know God hears our prayers. Please pray that the girls will have no lasting side effects from being born early. Pray also for their parents, (Jason and Stephanie) I really can't even imagine what they must be going through right now. I have just been praying that the babies live, not what they might be facing if they live and something is wrong with them. I didn't get it until yesterday.

Psa 62:8 Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Please pray for a Miracle!

I really am doing pretty good on the Taxol and have no new information to share right now so please pray with me for this family. My heart is breaking for Jason and Stephanie. Words can not descibe how badly I feel for them. As a parent and a mother that lost a baby to SIDS when Joshua was three months old.Living for the simple things in life: Joshua's Story: "Links" I know how helpless they must feel. They are looking for a reason why, or blaming themselves. We live in a fallen world were things happen that we can't understand but one thing we know, God is our Master and Savior. He is and always will be GOOD, FAITHFUL, and in control of everything that happens.

A few days ago I posted a post about a dear sister in the Lord and her family situaton. She had twin girls last week. They really need our prayers. This is an update on how the girls are doing.


We just got bad news. Faith has a grade 3 bleed or accumulation of fluid inboth ventricles of her brain. She also has evidence of damage on theoutside of both the right and left side of her brain. While this does not absolutely mean that she will not recover from it, it does mean that she is much more likely to have long term problems. Both physically and/ormentally. We are praying for a miracle; we pray that God will choose togive her full recovery from this. We have total faith in God for our little Faith. She is getting an EEG right now; I don't know if that will bring more bad news or what will come of it. They said that Hope is doing well, but may have a tiny bit of evidence ofsomething on the outside of her brain too. Not nearyly to the severity thatFaith has, and it may go away. We don't know what to do or say right now other than pray. Our hearts are so heavy and crushed to hear this after seeing such good progress. We immediately prayed and our spirits continually pray.

Monday, September 8, 2008

5th Chemo Treatment/ update on the Twins

My fifth Chemo treatment went well. I have to admit, I slept most of the treatment away. I feel pretty good this morning.

Side effects seem to be pretty much the same each week now.

On Friday's they pump you up with steriods and then give you the Benadryl so your body pretty much is trying to figure out if you should be up or down. By Friday evening I was pretty wired up so I thought it would be a good evening to change my front brakes on my truck. In between taking Bo to be a ball boy for the JV and Varsity soocer teams, I ran home and took care of business. The steriods make me so hyper!

By Sunday morning my joints alway seem to hurt; mainly in my hips. This always seems to go away in a few days.

This morning I have the tingling in my fingers and toes. Nothing major just some tingling. This also seems to pass in a few days as well.

My feet seems o.k. this week. I've been wearing socks more to keep the moisture in.

The only other side effect that I am having is little blisters are forming on the tops of my hands and oh boy, do they itch. They said, it was just the chemo fighting its way out.

Again, thanks for praying for me and for Faith and Hope. It sounds like they are doing better.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Urgent Prayer Request!

I just want you all to know I had my 5th Chemo today and I'm doing fine. If anything changes I'll update this blog in a few days. I know this is my cancer blog but I just can't write about myself when Jason and Stephanie are going through a much harder time of it than I am right now.


This prayer request is not for me. A while back I wrote about a dear young woman in our church that was pregnant with twins. On Wednesday morning she was rushed to the hospital. They had to take the babies by C-section, I won't go into a lot of detail but this dear family needs our prayers.

The babies names are Faith (3lbs 6 oz.) and Hope (2lbs 8 oz.) They are both in CRITICAL condition. Pray for strength for Jason and Stephanie. This is a very trying time for them and their other 3 children. Plus, please pray for my dear friend and singing buddy Barb, her husband Bill, (Grandparents) Bradley and Amanda (Stephanie brother and sister-in-law) Also for Jason's family.

"The Lord is watching His children, listening to their prayers". ( I Peter 3:12,)

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Feeling Good

Everything is going really well this week. I have really been trying to lotion my feet several times a day. I think, I have finally figure out when my feet are at their worst. It is the third day after Chemo. I'm going to start soaking them a bit sooner this week and see if that seems to help.

Really, if that is all I am facing. This isn't going to be so bad.

Tomorrow is my 5th Chemo!! It is just flying by.

As you can all tell, my spirits are up this week.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My darn Feet!

I felt really good all weekend. The only problem I am still having is my feet. They keep blistering! I could hardly walk on them yesterday without them killing me. After a long soaking, they seemed better. The chemo wants out and it's using my feet in the process. My toes were pretty swelled and blisters were starting to form on my right heal again. I was able to get my walk in this morning so the soaking really did help. YA know, if I didn't have to walk on them it wouldn't be so bad! LOL!

Besides my feet, I feel pretty good. I had a lot of joint aches yesterday and last night. Mainly in my hips. After taking two advanced action advil I was able to sleep just fine.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Taxol Treatment # 4

I made it through yet another Taxol treatment. My driver today was Kristin Robinson. I wanted to take a moment to thank her for taking me. I'm sorry about your flat tire. On a bad note you had one but on a brighter note you had someone with you that could change your tire. : )

They cut my steroids by half today so we will see how my body reacts to this. The benadryl still makes me loopy and sleepy but I would not let myself go to sleep today. I'm sure you are wondering why? Well, I'll tell you. The room was packed with Chemo patents today because of Labor Day weekend. A lot of those patients were getting Taxol. One man was lying back in his chair with his mouth wide open and lets just say there was a big noise coming from him mouth. The lady beside us was snoring softly. I was not going to add to the snores today. I took a two hour nap this afternoon. I'm still feeling a bit tired but that is about all.

My son and Daughter-in-law are making us dinner tonight, plus I get to view their vacation pictures from North Carolina. I'd better run for now! If anything changes I'll update this blog soon. If not, I pray you all have a wonderful and safe Labor day weekend.

I do have a praise!

My blood counts were up today.


My blood counts last week

WBC 3.0
RBC 3.57
PNM 1.7
Platelet 270

Thank you all for praying. Only 8 Chemo treatments to go!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A/C Treatment and Taxol Treatment

For starters, I wanted to let those who know me, (or those who are praying for me) know, that I am feeling good this week. I have been able to walk almost everyday and work my full work schedule. I was even able to work my two house cleaning jobs. I had a lot to catch up on this week, due to the fact I was sick all last week. I was able to get the last of my to do list done this morning. My boy's all have hair cuts, they are ready to start school on Tuesday.

With that out of the way, I want to give a little information about A/C treatment and Taxol treatment.

A/C is one of the five most common types of chemotherapy given to women with breast cancer. It includes two drugs: doxorubicin (Adriamycin), and cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). Paclitaxel (Taxol) or docetaxel (Taxotere) is added to A/C for women with node-positive cancer, or in women who've had a recurrence; it's delivered after you've finished the AC.

I'm sure most people think the worst about Chemo. That people spend most of their time with their head in a toilet throwing up non-stop, or they are so tired they can't get out of bed to even care for themselves.

Here’s the good news: That’s almost definitely NOT going to be what happens with with Taxol. The only bad thing about the A/C and the Taxol is how LONG a course it is.

1. What you can expect from Taxol:

You probably will lose your hair. (Probably around the second or third cycle.) Sorry. =( This is one side effect they haven’t made much progress on. As I posted before all of my hair fell out around the 25 day after getting the A/C.)

You will probably be nauseated, at least sometimes and at least a little. The “A/C” drug it is highly emetogenic, so most people do experience SOME nausea. People have differing amounts, however. I seemed to get more than my fair share of nausea, but I only threw up if I tried to eat. I fasted a lot before I started Chemo so I had to find out what worked best for me. Waiting 5 days after Chemo seemed to work really well for me. I drank a lot so I could keep up my energy level. I was still able to work and do things around my house. There are MANY excellent anti-nausea medications out there — they may not prevent every twinge, but if used properly you should DEFINITELY not be spending your days throwing up.

You will be tired. However, although "A/C and the Taxol causes fatigue, MANY people are able to work at least part-time through it, some even full-time. That should give you an idea about the fatigue. I walk for an hour most mornings and I work around 50 hours a week.

A/C and Taxol can cause some other side effects, too. The notable ones I experienced included:

Occasional mouth sores. Using the mouthwash Biotene helped greatly in this regard.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

If you’re suffering a lot with a side effect, don’t be shy about speaking up to your oncologist or nurse about it. Especially in the case of side effects like nausea, there are MULTIPLE drugs that can be tried. So don’t give up.

3. How did I feel after A/C, Taxol?

My experience was this. I’d get treated on Friday (say Friday the 1st). I would be sickest that Friday with a headache, nausea, and a generally ill feeling — think a bad case of the stomach flu. I felt best if I was laying down. Seriously — when you feel that terrible, your best bet is to try and sleep through it. Saturday morning was bad, but by Saturday night I often worked my Janitor's job. With the Taxol I take off the Friday of treatment and that is all. By Saturday morning I'm doing just fine. Sunday was an off and on again bad day, but I can eat with the Taxol Treatments. By Monday morning, I would feel well enough to do my normal day to day job. I have tried to walk each morning as much as I can. I feel better the days that I walk.

4. Frustration?

Most people seem to go through a period — often midway through treatment — where they get really frustrated and depressed. This is entirely normal, and it does pass, even though it is horrible to go through. Just focus on today. If you think about how long you have to go, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Seeing my Oncologist

1. When I was taking the A/C treatment I had to see my oncologist every time I received Chemo. With the Taxol I receive it every week but I only have to see my Oncologist every other week.

I have a short office visit with my oncologist where she will feel lymph nodes, go over how she thought treatment was progressing, ask about side effects and try to address them, or discuss any test results. It is usually about a 10-15 minute appointment.

2. Blood tests: I have to get to the hospital 30 minutes before my Treatments so they can check my blood. I wrote all about this a few post back.

Your RBCs, to check for anemia, including your hemoglobin. If you are low, your doctor MAY withhold treatment, I'm still trying to keep mine up.

Your platelets. My platelets have been fine.

Your WBCs. They will especially focus most not on the total but on your ANC. What is ANC? ANC refers to the percentage of neutrophils (white blood cells that fight infection) and cells that will become neutrophils multiplied by the white blood count (WBC).

It breaks down as follows:
ANC below 2000 is considered to be neutropenia
ANC between 1000-1500 fairly low risk of infection. Chemotherapy will usually be given in this range, but not below it.
ANC between 500-1000 - moderate risk of infection
ANC below 500 - severe neutropenia - high risk of infection
They will also do a basic check of your electrolytes and kidney and liver functions before they decide to go forward with treatment.
Getting your counts depends on the speed of the lab; in general, I would have mine in fifteen or twenty minutes.

(If you’re too low, you’ll likely just go home and your oncologist will either wait for your counts to come up or he/she will start treating you with WBC boosters such as Neulasta. I never had a chemo delayed.)

3. They get your weight, blood pressure and Temperature, the oncologist writes the order, and the pharmacy makes it up.

There’s a formula based on weight and height used to calculate your chemo dosage — my oncologist weighed me each time and calculated the dose from there. The pharmacy then custom mixes your chemotherapy drugs. It used to take about 30 to 45 minutes to fill the order.

4. Pre-Meds and Fluids.

Because A/C and Taxol causes nausea and vomiting, your doctor SHOULD pre-treat you for nausea. If he isn’t, then I’d want to know exactly why. The “A” drug causes nausea and vomiting in over 90% of those who get it. Thus pre-treatment should be mandatory in my opinion.

It usually takes about thirty minutes to give your anti-nausea drugs. These are given via an IV drip. Some common ones include:

Decadron (a steroid — usually combined with one of the other drugs listed.)
I used to get Emend, with the A/C Chemo (a pill), then Aloxi and Decadron via IV. (My Port)

A tip! Emend costs like $360.00 for three pills. Make sure your blood counts are ok and you’re getting treated that day before you take it.

Along with the pre-treatment drugs you’ll likely be getting some fluids. The pre-treatment drugs shouldn’t hurt, burn, or cause any symptoms. They also don’t taste bad or anything like that.

Tip Two: Make sure your oncologist has given you a prescription for nausea. Anti-nausea drugs work best when used BEFORE you feel sick. The pre-treatment drugs should last about 12 hours, but after that you will take pills. I recommend taking it around the clock, rather than waiting for nausea to develop.

Tip Three: It’s helpful to have two anti-nausea drugs. Take one around the clock, and keep the other as a reserve for “breakthrough nausea” — nausea that occurs despite the other drug. And again, treat at the first twinge! Nausea is easier to control than it is to treat.

I had a lot of nausea with the A/C treatment, so that’s why so many tips on this part. it’s quite likely you won’t have as much as I had, but I think better safe than sorry.

Staying well-hydrated is very helpful.

You can bring a friend

This really helps the time go by faster. My Oncologist told me I needed to bring a driver for the A/C and the Taxol treatment because of the side effects to the Medication have to give me.

Chemo is usually given in recliner chairs — Your first Taxol treatment will be in a hospital bed. You will be in a room by yourself. You can bring your driver in.

If you have any questions, leave me a comment and I’ll try to get back to you ASAP. Also, if you think there’s something else that would be helpful to add to this post for future patients, please let me know that too!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The will to Survive

I know for a lot of people, it seems like there is no way you can survive Cancer. I went through so many different emotions when I found out I had cancer. All of these emotions are real but there is someone that you can turn to, someone that can get you through even the roughest of days. I know because I'm living through it right now. I am taking it one day at a time. I know longer look to the future and plan things way in advance. I get up and live each day to its fullest and at the end of the day, I thank our Awesome Lord that He carried me through yet another day.

When I was first diagnosed with Breast cancer, I had a lot of hurdles to jump. First the biopsies. Then the surgeries. Now the chemo. The the baldness, the nausea, the joint pain, the muscle aches, the mouth sores and the fatigue. Soon 38 radiation visits, they say more fatigue. I can't wait until the moment I can say this is my last treatment, will I breathe a sigh of relief.

I also went through a state of fear.

What if I’m never the same? What if I can’t live with these scars? What if they didn’t get it all? What if it comes back? Will I have to go through this again if it comes back? Will the treatments really help? Will my hair really grow back? What if it’s not so treatable next time? What if I’m dying and I just don’t know it yet? What if, what if, what if...My mind was overwhelmed with what ifs.

Then came the doubts.

Will my husband still find me attractive, how can he stand looking at me, will my children be embarrassed of me, will I ever feel normal again....

I even had the fear of so and so or this person or that person seeing me like this. I tried to hide when I would see someone in the store that I knew or at school when I signed my kids up. Will I always feel this way? Will I always have to make myself face people?

Then there is the heightened awareness of every physical sensation. I have a headache. The cancer must have went to my brain. My back hurts. I must have spinal mets. I forgot where I put my keys. The cancer must be worse than I thought.

The other day my hips started hurting really bad. I instantly thought, I must have cancer in my hips. I reminded myself that they checked me for that a while back.

I wanted to find out how other cancer survivors handle these fears so I started searching the Internet. I wanted to find out how other cancer survivors have been able to move on with their lives, what has helped other women get over the fear of the unknown future.

Well after my very long search, instead of assuaging my fear, the article greatly increased my apprehension. Really? Seriously? That’s all you’ve got? I wondered. Am I really supposed to be less afraid.

I decided that the best medicine for me was placing this all in the Lord hands. Reading His Word, Praying, resting on His promises. Each and every day I have to turn it over to Him. Those fears and doubts try to rob me of my joy.

I finally came to the understanding within my own mind, if the cancer does come back and it's not treatable, then I will die. We are all going to die. None of us has the assurance that we will live another day. So there you go. If the cancer comes back and I die, I will be with the Lord.

The only reassurance I’ve been able to find in all of this is in Psalm 139 that says, “All of my days were written in Your book before one of them came to be…I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

The only meaningful answer I’ve been able to find for the lingering questions of an unknown future is that I have been made by a Creator who knows me and loves me and has carefully planned the day I was born and the day I will die.

Any other hope seems at best trite, and at worst, a lie.

Anxiety medicines are temporary. Even the best-intentioned family and friends are human and will let you down sometimes. And while cancer advances are encouraging, and, I pray the reason I will stay alive a bit longer, they fail, too.

But our Creator? He never fails. He is never late. He is never wrong. He knit my being together in infinitely careful detail, and He is the sovereign master of every part of me.

I surrendered my life to Him long before this cancer came along. And no matter what happens, He is, as He has always been, Lord of my life, my death, my career, my finances, my health – and yes, even my hair.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Monday After my 3rd Taxol Treatment

I feel really good this morning. I really do think the reason I have been feeling so bad had a lot to do with my bodies reaction to the Benadryl they had to give me. I felt really good all weekend.

Maybe this won't be so bad.

Only 9 treatments to go!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Taxol Treatment # 3

I have a praise report and a prayer request.

First and foremost, I want to thank Nancy Burnett for taking me to my Chemo Treatment. Because of the Benadryl that they give me, they won't let me leave without a driver. They really can't due to the fact my reactions are very slow due to the drugs. Nancy has offered many, many times to take me to my chemo treatments. What a servants heart this woman has.

Praise Report

They only had to give me half of the Benadryl yesterday. This was big for me. I really can't stand that drugged up feeling. With half the Benadryl I was still loopy or I guess more tired then completely drugged. I only had to sleep for a few hours after I got home from my chemo treatment. Today I feel pretty good.

Pray Request

My blood counts are pretty low. They said if they get any lower they won't be able to give me my chemo treatments until they come up some. I was pretty sick last week and I had stopped taking a product that I had been taking to keep my blood counts up. It is a product called Monavie. I guess in the back of my mind I really didn't think it was doing any good. After this little trial this week I think I'm going to go back to drinking my half a bottle a day and see if my blood counts raise. I really want to be done with Chemo by the end of October so if you could please pray that my counts go back up this week I would be very grateful.

My blood counts last week

WBC Normal range is 4.0-10.0 My count was 3.1
RBC Normal range is 4.2-5.4 My count was 3.52
PNM Normal range is 1.7-7.6 My count was 1.8
Platelet Normal range is 140-450 My count was 199

My blood counts this week

WBC 3.0
RBC 3.57
PNM 1.7
Platelet 270

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Side effects so Far

I've went through 6 A/C chemo treatments and 2 Taxol treatments.

Side effects so far

I lost all of my hair

I lost 20 pounds-That seems to be staying off right now.

I'm just starting to loose my eye lashes

I've been pretty tired the last two weeks; This week was the worst.

I have some joint ache, mainly in my hips and lower back.

I've had a lot of feet problems. Blisters, cracking, dryness

I have tingling, numbness in my hands and feet.

I have cracking in the corners of my mouth.

These are the side effect so far.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fighting the Flu

I caught myself a little bug this weekend and I've been fighting to get back to normal since Sunday. In church on Sunday morning our quartet lead Worship and did special music in our 8:00 a.m. service. I was feeling a bit tired but not really that bad until right before we sang in our 10:30 a.m. service. During Sunday school I kept getting colder and colder. By the time it was over my stomach was very upset and I was very chilled. I thought it was just nerves because I had a little solo in our quartet piece we did. By the time I got home from church on Sunday my whole body hurt. I slept from 12:30 p.m. until 8:30 p.m. Sunday night just to return to bed at 10:00 p.m. I felt a little bit better on Monday but I was still not feeling right. I slept until I had to go to work at 11:00 a.m. Today was a lot better but I was still very tired out. I just thought I'd better sleep as much as I could so I could get over this. My husband wasn't feeling well on Monday night. He had the same systems I had on Sunday and John came down with it this morning. (Mom don't worry, I'm feeling a lot better tonight)

It is taking me a bit longer to get over things these days with the Chemo and all but I did get over it. Please pray for me as I go into my third taxol treatment on Friday. I'm really not enjoy having Chemo every week.

God is still carrying me through all of this.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Second Taxol Treatment

I was up bright and early this morning so I could get my hour walk in before my Chemo Treatment today. (Thanks Maria for being willing to get up at 5:30 a.m. to walk with me) The time goes by a lot faster when you walk with someone.

A little information about my Chemo days

Now that I'm on Taxol, I only have to see my Oncologist every other week. Today, My sister-in-law Sandy (Thank you Sandy for taking me to my Chemo today) picked me up at 7:30 a.m. we had to be at the Cancer center at 8:00 a.m. so I could get my blood work taken before my chemo treatment.

After they figure out if my counts are good, they call me back and order my Chemo.

My blood counts

WBC Normal range is 4.0-10.0 My count was 3.1
RBC Normal range is 4.2-5.4 My count was 3.52
PNM Normal range is 1.7-7.6 My count was 1.8
Platelet Normal range is 140-450 My count was 199

These are the four counts that determine if I can get Chemo or not.

Fridays will be pretty much filled with just taking Chemo and recovering from the meds they have to give me so I won't have a reaction.

They first bring you back in a room filled with recliner chairs. These special chairs are for the chemo patient. I think there are 12 chair in this room. There are 6 other chairs behind curtains for first time Chemo patients. Plus, 4 rooms with beds in them for sicker patients and first time taxol patients or it could be for any chemo that might cause a reaction. The nurses stay with you a bit more in the rooms.

They then prep my chest port so I can get the Chemo.

There are still needles. They use a special type of needle to access a port. ((It’s called a Huber Needle, if you really want to know.)) You do get stabbed, except there is no need to hunt for a vein and rather than getting stuck in your arm, you get stuck in your chest. By the way, stabbing a port is called “accessing it.” Nice euphemism, but it just means stabbing.

Your chest has less nerve endings, so the stabbing isn’t close to as bad, (don't get me wrong, it still hurts) especially since they almost never ever miss. Plus you can put cream on it to numb it before you go get stabbed if you really are afraid of needles (I use a lot of this cream before I got to chemo. I have forgotten a few times and it really did hurt a lot worse). Also, there is no cumulative damage to your arm, hand, or other veins.

After getting my port set up they put in my meds. They stat with 20 cc of steroids and then they put in the nausea medication. I then get the Benadryl, this stuff makes me very loopy. As soon as they gave me the Benadryl, I'm really out for the day. I first laugh my silly little head off. (this is very embarrassing really) I then can't process or think clearly to carry on a normal conversation. I really can't understand why people like that drugged up feeling. Tonight, I just feel very sluggish.

I'll be honest, when I first found out I had cancer some terms that I have heard in the past were really pretty foreign to me.

The term my cancer is in remission

The term remission is used to describe the shrinking of cancer. It is used by doctors to categorize the extent of the shrinkage of the cancer.

Complete remission is used to categorize cancer that is no longer evidenced in tests, scans and x-rays.

Partial remission is used to categorize cancer that has shrunk but is still present.

Complete remission may mean a cure, however in some cases it may return. Partial remissions almost always return.

Another term I really didn't understand was "Cancer Free after Five Years).

After 5 years of many test and if they don't detect any cancer, my Oncologist said they would say I was cancer free.

The Healer

I heard this on a friends blog and it blessed my heart.

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You

I trust in You


I believe You're my Healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You're my Portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus You're all I need


Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

The words to this song are so true. "Jesus, your all I need"

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

4 days After

I was tired this weekend but nothing that I couldn't handle. I slept for 6 hours Friday afternoon after my Mom dropped me off from my first Taxol chemo treatment. I was able to work Saturday and Sunday at both of my jobs and do Worship team on Sunday morning. What an Awesome day of worship we had both music and preaching. Pastor Brian did a great job bringing us God's Word. Matthew 5 Forgive, seventy times seven.

This Chemo is nothing like the AC. I was able to eat on Saturday without much trouble at all. Besides being tired but not tired to the point were I couldn't keep functioning. Things went fine this weekend. I did sleep alot on Sunday afternoon and Monday morning.

I was up bright and early this morning to get ready for my husband's Birthday party tonight and to walk with my friend's Maria and Joe. We had a great walk! I really feel good this morning. I really do, really, really, really!

Now I'm Walking On Sunshine Amen!
I'm Walking On Sunshine, Oh Yeah!
I'm Walking On Sunshine, Woooohoooo!
And does it Feel Good, (Hey) (All right now)
And does it Feel Good, Yeah!!

I do have a bit of water retention in my hands today and tingling in my fingers. It is almost like they were asleep and they are trying to wake up. Nothing I can't deal with but I want to make sure I write down in detail what I am going through so I will remember. I didn't have the swelling with the AC. My feet are still cracked and the corners of my mouth is cracked. Just the Chemo trying to get out. I have been really trying to put as much lotion on everything as I can.

I'll update this blog if I have any other changes before my next Chemo on Friday.

Friday, August 8, 2008

First Taxol Treatment

It has been a few hours since I received my first Taxol Treatment. Besides being very loopy and tired from the medication they gave me, I'm doing really good. NO complications to the Chemo!

Thank you all for praying! God answered our prayers.

Thank you Mom for taking me. It was a bit of a long morning but as always it was pretty fun. Lori on drugs! I'm sure it was a pretty funny sight. I'll have to let my mom write about that one.

My Oncologist told me she thought I was doing really good. I have been praying that God would show me how I can be used through all of this. My Oncologist asked me today at my appointment if I would be willing to head up a support group for Cancer patients. This is all so unreal! I have been asking God and talking about something like this with Maria and Jessica. I haven't really done anything about it yet and here God has placed it right into my lap. My Oncologist said someone will be contacting me soon so I can get started.

The reason I opened up this blog is so I can help others going through this same thing. I am so glad that I started writing down everything so I can help someone else. I have been so upfront on this blog because I feel that is the only way that people can pray for me and secondly so I can help someone else. Even though sometimes I think my feeling are foolish, they are still my feeling. God knows, I am only human with real feeling and emotions. I hurt and cry and sometimes I just don't understand all of this. Slowly God is revealing things to me.

I give God all the Praise and all the Glory!

One way or the other, I'm in the Master's Hands

I didn't sleep well last night. I get myself so worked up. By tonight my first Taxol treatment will be over and I can put this ill feeling behind me.

I guess just not knowing if I'm going to have a reaction to this new treatment gets me worked up. I had my bad days with the last Chemo but God helped me get through even the hardest of days. I know that I'm in His hands one way or the other.

The Master's Hands

In His garden I come to pray
Amongst the cathedral of trees.
I see the beauty of His masterpiece
As I fall on bended knees.

He sends the songs of birds
To break the gentle silence here.
With His hands He rustles the leaves
As I gaze upon His wonders near.

I feel His presence in all these things
Though only for a season it will last.
But the peaceful solace of communion
Shall be eternal and never pass.

We are but a grain of sand
In God's eternal time,
Yet His masterpiece comforts me
Til the path to Heaven I climb.

Susan Anne Cochran
© 2003

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Calm me Today

OK, I have tried all morning to blog. Truth be told, I'm scared to death about tomorrow. I hate being pumped full of Chemo. I can feel it in my body. The first few Taxol treatments are going to be long; 3 or 4 hours, depending on how I do. The Chemo reacts differently to every person. They have to watch how it goes in because it could burn my skin, or give me a rash....The list goes on and on.

They have to give me Benadryl each time because of the side effects. I have never been able to take Benadryl or any other kind of drug without it putting me to sleep for the day. I don't like to go to sleep. Even as a little girl, mom would make me take naps, I didn't want to go to sleep. (I might miss something) She would call out after a while and ask if I was sleeping. Silly me, I would answer, "Yes" I would forget not to answer. Plus, my wig might fall off or I might drool. GRRRRRRR!

The last time I had Chemo all these ladies were sleeping and I couldn't figure out why. They were getting TAXOL. We are all in a room with recliner chairs and their is a chair beside us for our guests. I'm going to be soooo out in the open. My mom is going to take me to this first one so at least she can watch out for me. I know all of my concerns seem silly but they are still concerns to me. I must be totally upfront in this blog or how can I help another person going through this. I just need to turn all of this over to our Awesome Lord.

I need pray!

That I won't have a reaction to the drug and that I will stay calm today and tomorrow.

O Lord Jesus,

Let me not stray away from you when others fall away.
When things seem to totally unravel and I feel like I am going crazy, please bring me the calm of your love. Oh, how I need You today.

When I feel weak and powerless, empower me with your calm and order.
In my chaos, bring me reason and a clear head.
When chaos seems to overtake my life, show me how you are the source of my peace.

When I want to scream and cry because I cannot seem to control anything anywhere, please give me your power to stand this test.

In times of calm, help me pray and meditate more.
In times of peace, help me know how much of a blessing your peace is in my life.
When I feel alone and cannot find your voice, open my heart to hear you tell me how much You love me.


Monday, August 4, 2008

Do you have any Questions?

I have been asked a few questions concerning my wig. Some of them have me still laughing. I really don't mind answering people's questions concerning my cancer at all. If you don't ask, you won't know.

I thought if one person has this question, other's might.

Do I sleep with my wig on?

No, I sleep with a hat on. I'm still trying to deal with being bald.

Is my hair growing back yet?

No, not at this time. My Oncologist said my hair will start growing back about two months after my last Chemo.

Will my hair grow back in the same as it was?

I was told that normally your hair doesn't come back in the same. It normally grows back in nicer. I want it to grow back in and look like Jen Rossi's hair. I love her long cruly hair.

Do I walk around the house bald?

Yes, as a matter of fact I do. (When I think everyone is sleeping) It took me a while but I sat at the computer this morning bald. My 10 year old grandson (who I thought was sleeping) asked me why I was emailing people under Nana name. He then said, "Oh Nana, I thought you were Boaz."

Am I going to post a picture on my blog of my bald head?

NO WAY! There will be no pictures, no reminders.

Will I lose my eye brows and lashes?

I haven't so far! Let's pray I don't.

Little bald humor

You might think I'm whacked-out but here are a few funny comments from my son Bo and Ethan regarding me losing my hair from the Chemo. Hey, what can I say. I have to keep laughing. I refuse to let this destroy my life or my personality.

Boaz wanted to know about the Chemo so my husband and I told him that the oncologist told us the worse thing I'm really going to have to deal with is my hair loss. Boaz looked at me and said, "Dad is not going to want to sleep with you with a bald head. If he reaches over to rub your shoulder, he won't know if it is your bald head or your shoulder." I could not stop laughing at his comment. A little while later we turned the lights off to go to sleep. My husband reached out and started rubbing my shoulder. I said "How do you know if your rubbing my shoulder or my head". Hee, hee

Last night we went to my oldest Grandson's soccer game. It was a bit cold out last night so my husband brought blankets for me to cover up with. Ethan jumped up on my lap and got underneath the blankets. He kept staring at me with a funny little look on his face. I finally asked why he was looking at me so funny.

Remember he is only 5.

He said, "That looks real." I said, "What looks real." He said, "I know Nana that you have a bald head." he said, "Your hair, it looks real." I said, "Ethan, this is my real hair." He said, "Your not going to go bald? What if you do, if it is windy will your hair blow off." I assured him if my hair blows off, he needs to run and get it as fast as possible because it cost me $165.00. He asked me to tell him more funny story about my wig. We are going to be just fine. My family loves me for me not for my hair or how I look.

My Fourth Chemo

I had my last heavy Chemo treatment Friday July 25th. I will admit last week was a very long week; I was very tired. I had so much to do and not a lot of energy to do it.

Let me back up a bit! Because of the fifth Sunday we had in June it moved all my Chemo treatments to the Friday I lead Worship. I think it just took more out of me then what I was willing to admit. By Monday I was drained of all my my energy. All last week I was just trying to get through the day. I also had to get my twins ready for camp. They went with their best friend's camping for 10 days.

I'm feeling a lot better now; I've just been really busy. I'll try and update this blog more often.

I still want to write about how they administered my Third Chemo treatment and how sick I got and why it is important to have someone that really knows what they are doing administering your Chemo.

I start my next set of Chemo this coming Friday. I don't know yet all the side effects I will have. I think each person is different and they really have to go through it to tell how it will effect them. I could name all the side effects but I still really won't know how it is going to effect me yet. Time will tell!

God carried me through the hardest Chemo and I lived...Plus, I didn't get sick. I won't say that it's not really getting on my nerves to have to take time off work, putting a wig on my head everyday, being tired and having to sleep more. It's very frustrating for me BUT I'm making it through. I'm really just taking it one day at a time. I make it through ecah day and rejoice that God has allowed me to have another day hear on earth with the people that I love.

I still need pray! Please pray that when this is all said and done that I will be Cancer free. I still have a long year ahead of me. Three more months of Chemo and then a month and a half of radiation treatments.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Thank You


Thank you for reminding me why I am here,

Thank you for convicting me of my sins,

Thank you for opening up my eyes to the path that I was taking,

Thank you for showing me who really loves me,

Thank you for loving me even at my lowest points

May everything I say, and everything I do, be Glorifying, uplifting and pleasing to You.

You have restored me unto you and I want to "Thank you".


"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (I Corinthians 10:31).

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.(Psalm 19:1).

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Just very tired

I think I might have over done it a little bit this weekend. I'm just very, very tired right now. I'll write more when I'm feeling better.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Today is Chemo Number 4

This is my last hard Chemo. I'm a little anxious! Chemo 3 hit me pretty hard but I was still able to lead worship the Sunday after my chemo. This Sunday the Trio I'm in is suppose to do a special in both of our morning services. I am also suppose to lead worship in our 10:30 a.m. service and in our evening service on Sunday.

I have been so blessed to have people that care about me take me to my chemo visit and sit with me. My husband took me to my first visit, My friend Maria took me to my second visit, my daughter-in-law took me to my third visit and today my dear mother is going to take me. I have women coming up to me at church asking me when it is their turn to take me. It truly brings me to my knees. I don't feel like I deserve such wonderful treatment but God has placed people in my life that love and care about me deeply. I've really done nothing to deserve such love and kindness but I am being blessed. I am so very grateful.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I turn this all over to you Lord....You have carried me so far, I give you all the Glory.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Everythings going my Way

I was going to update everyone on how I was doing yesterday but (Hee, Hee) I overslept. I didn't get up until 8:15 a.m. I was suppose to be at my house cleaning job in Plymouth at 9:00 a.m. it is a 35 minute drive from my house. I made it by 9:10 a.m. wooohooo. No more 4 hour a night sleeps for me. That is the only thing with this Chemo, I really do need a lot more sleep. I need at least 8 hours a night now.

This is how great I felt yesterday; I worked at my house cleaning job, did my two motor routes, cleaned the church, came home and mowed the lawn (I had to beg my husband to let me) I than went for a bike ride with my hubby and Bo. It was a really good day.

I (We, you all are praying) almost made it through the hard Chemo. One more tomorrow and than I will have three month of Chemo called Taxol. I'll fill you all in next week on the side effects to this Chemo. I think the best thing is just to start it and see how it effects my body.

More tomorrow.....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I'm Blessed!

I'm feeling really good! I've been trying to get as much done around my house as I can before my Chemo on Friday.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Turning things over to Others

I'm still feeling fine! Oh, I'm not like I was before the Chemo but I feel like I'm getting through each day without having to change to much.

I get tired easier and have to rest a lot more but I'm still able to keep up with my housework, work, plus keep up my hour walk on the treadmill each morning and stain my front porch. I am still able to do the things I love to do. At the end of the day I'm tired so my hubby tells me to lay down. He has taken over where I just can't right now. To be honest, I have to just give up any control that I had and just let him serve me. Maybe that is what God is trying to teach me?

I'm not all alone, He has given me a helpmate to help me. As you can see, I'm still trying to figure all of this out. I may never know! One thing I do know! I have a God that is with me each and everyday, I have a husband that has stepped up to the plate. My husband hasn't left me to face all of this alone, he doesn't run off and do his own thing nor has he left me when I needed someone the most. I also have a family that loves me, a Mom, children, brother's & sister's that call almost every day to see how I'm doing. A church family that has sent more cards to me in the last few months then I have received my whole life. Friends that I haven't talked to in a while that have heard about my cancer have emailed, called or sent cards. I'm not alone in all of this nor do I feel insecure with myself anymore. I'm loved for who I am not for what I look like. God has shown me how important I am and that I mean something to the people that are in my life right now. All Glory to God above!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

God is still able to use Me!

Do you have a servant’s heart? Has God blessed you with the insight to see the needs of others and reach out in compassion and understanding even when they, themselves, cannot reach out and ask for help?

Last night I was blessed to be able to work side by side with a group of ladies willing to give up their time to serve others. I watched these women and felt so much joy in my heart that I could work with them in order to help a dear family.

This dear lady is having twins and is on bed rest for 10 more weeks. She had to have surgery on the twins a few weeks back. God is so good! The twins are doing fine now but Mama is down for a while. Isn't it funny how God works. I know I have cancer and am having Chemo but I think I can handle that better then being on bed rest for 10 more weeks. I think we will be done around the same time. Steph with the twins and me with my Chemo. We are each going through a difficult time but God will see us both through. This dear young lady used to watch my twins when they were babies so I could go to my oldest sons football games on Friday nights. Here it is all these years later and she is having twins and I am able to help her out just a little. We prepared over 30 meals for them last night. Now all they have to do is take them out of the freezer and put them in the oven that evening. God is still able to use me!

It doesn’t matter what you own, how much money you have in the bank, how talented or educated you are, or how many people you know. If God calls you to have a servant’s heart, He will make a way for you to accomplish what He has put on your heart to do.

A servant’s heart has more to do with your relationship with God than it has to do with your desire to be recognized for your good deeds. Having a servant’s heart is one the most beautiful expressions of love I know. It’s showing your love to another human being by simply being who God intended you to be. It’s about seeing a need and fulfilling it without any strings attached. It’s about making yourself uncomfortable so that someone else could be comfortable. It’s about showing Christ’s love through your actions and words. And finally, it’s about touching the lives of those around you with such a gentle kindness that your act will be remembered for years to come.

Taking the time to listen to what God wants you to do, humbling yourself to do what He has called you to do, and then faithfully following His orders regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you is truly what a servant’s heart is all about. It’s selfless love at its best and God couldn’t ask for a better gift or testimony of your relationship with Him. God blessed me last night by watching these women and their love for this dear family.

Sometimes when you think you are doing the ministering, you are really being ministered to. It really makes me what to keep serving!

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." - I Peter 4:10
" prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up..." - Ephesians 4:12

I'm on the up Swing

I'm feeling good today.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Third Chemo is the Worse so Far

Third Chemo is by far worse then the first two. I'm not sick, just very tired. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm still working and doing things but I have to push myself to do them instead of just having the energy for them.

Each day I'm getting a little more energy back.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Hard time staying Awake

I felt alright yesterday, I just had a really hard time staying awake on the route. They did say as the Chemo got stronger I would feel more fatigued. I was able to make a Pot Roast dinner with Potatoes, Carrots, rolls and Jello salad for a dear friend and her family last night. I prepared everything when I woke up yesterday. It slow cooked all day in the Roaster and Crock pot. When I got home from work at 5:00 p.m. it was all done. Yea!! I still feel needed.

This dear lady is having twins and is on bed rest for 10 more weeks. She had to have surgery on the twins a few weeks back. God is so good! The twins are doing fine now but Mama is down for a while. Isn't it funny how God works. I know I have cancer and am having Chemo but I think I can handle that better than being on bed rest for 10 more weeks. I think we will be done around the same time. Steph with the twins and me with my Chemo. We are each going through a difficult time but God will see us both through. This dear young lady used to watch my twins when they were babies so I could go to my oldest sons football games on Friday nights. Here it is all these years later and she is having twins and I am able to help her out just a little. I also get to help some ladies of the church make up some meals for them on Wednesday evening. We are going to prepare them some meals so they can just take them out of the freezer and put them in the oven that evening. I'm really looking forward to it. God is still able to use me!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Old hair/New Hair

This picture of Boaz and I was taken last Friday evening July 4th. As you can see I still had my own hair. This picture of Aaron and I was taken July 6th, 2008. This is the day after all of my hair fell out. This is my new hair for a while.

A rough Day

I went to get my 3rd Chemo Friday. It didn't go as well as the other two. They couldn't get a blood draw out of my port. Goodness, did it hurt this time going in. They spent a bit of time trying to get it right. OUCH, OUCH and OUCh. By the time they were done messing around with the I.V. my poor daughter-in-law didn't feel so good. Her face was as white as a sheet. They never did get the blood they were suppose to but they gave the Chemo anyway. I don't know if it was just everything together but I didn't go so well. By the time I left the hospital I felt really sick. I was sick to my stomach and started to get a really bad headache. Needless to say, I was in bed most of the day.

Saturday morning I still woke up with a bad headache but after taking Advance action Advil in a few hours I felt a lot better.

Sunday was o.k. I did my Ann Arbor News job and Lead Worship at our church. Plus, we had Jimmy and John's 14th Birthday party. All in all I had a good day. I was able to eat a small portion of Green bean Cass. and Cheesy Potatoes.

One thing I failed to mention is making sure that during Chemo you keep a lot of moisture on area that can become cracked and dry. Was was so worried about my hands that I didn't think about my feet. When I came home Thursday from work I had blisters on the back of my feet from them getting dried out. My husband had to pop them, I worked all weekend to get them back in shape so I could wear my Tennis shoes again.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm doing Good

I'm feeling great today! Everything went well yesterday so the hubby and I went and bought stuff to water proof our front porch and game room down stairs.

I see my Oncologist today. I get blood work and a full check up before Chemo tomorrow. I pray all is well.

The Potters Hand

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour
I know for sure all of my days are
Held in Your hand,
Crafted into Your perfect plan.

You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes.

I'm captured by Your Holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing
Me to Yourself, lead me Lord I pray.

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

Written by Darlene Zschech

This is a very special song to me. It touches my heart every time I hear it. I hope it has touched yours as well

Everyone of us needs the touch of the potters hands. To be molded into his image, into the vessel He can use.

I want to be a willing vessel, ready for service, for whatever he has for me to do.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

I can see the Bright Side!

I feel pretty good today. This is the day I work all three of my jobs. I just got home from my Janitor's job. I'm going to be doing my hour walk here in a minute, I'll then be helding off at 8:30 a.m. to my house cleaning job. I'll do my motor routes after that. The second week after Chemo so far seems a lot better then the first week. It is so much better to work then to sit around and focus on your problems.

I did see the bright side of me losing my hair this morning. My mom told me about our Dentist's friend. She just found out she had breast cancer.

BTW-That is a big reason why I am writing down everything I'm going through. I want to be able to help other's going through the same thing.

Back to the bright side. I was thinking about this dear lady and praying for her this morning and it dawned on me. I should be praising the Lord that it was my hair that I lost and not my teeth. My hair will grow back!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm going to make It

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. feeling a lot better about everything today. I think I'm going to make it. I looked back on my post yesterday and had to laugh at myself. Ohhhh, I sure had myself a good pity party. Things could be so much worse for me then they are. The Doctor's could have told me I only have a year to live, or one of my children could be ill. My hair should really be the least of my worries right now.

My daughter really did do a good job with my wigs and my daughter-in-law picked out some very beautiful scarves for me to wear. My dear mother listened to all of my whining yesterday. the dash board of my truck only got hit about 100 times. LOL!!! My husband still loves me even with no hair. What more could I ask for?

God is so good to me!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Trying to deal with it All

I won't lie and say it is not still very hard. When I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. This is all going to take sometime for me to get used to the idea that I don't have hair. I'm trying to figure out who I am anymore. Life seems so difficult.
Plus, I'm missing my Sailor.

People say everthing is going to be alright and I know that in my heart. I really do! Putting on that wig and leaving the house is hard. Taking it off and getting into bed with a bald head is hard. I didn't want to even get up and sit with my husband this morning because I can't seem to face how I look right now. Oh, he loves me for who I am. He has been wonderful! It isn't him, it's me. Everyone tells me how wonderful I look in the wig and how natural it looks BUT it is still a wig. It's not my hair. I am tough and I will get by, tt's just going to take me a few days to deal with all of this.

I was able to eat a good meal yesterday.

I have to be totally upfront and honest in this blog. Please if what I am saying upsets anyone please just don't read it. I just need a place to write out my feelings.