Friday, August 29, 2008

Taxol Treatment # 4

I made it through yet another Taxol treatment. My driver today was Kristin Robinson. I wanted to take a moment to thank her for taking me. I'm sorry about your flat tire. On a bad note you had one but on a brighter note you had someone with you that could change your tire. : )

They cut my steroids by half today so we will see how my body reacts to this. The benadryl still makes me loopy and sleepy but I would not let myself go to sleep today. I'm sure you are wondering why? Well, I'll tell you. The room was packed with Chemo patents today because of Labor Day weekend. A lot of those patients were getting Taxol. One man was lying back in his chair with his mouth wide open and lets just say there was a big noise coming from him mouth. The lady beside us was snoring softly. I was not going to add to the snores today. I took a two hour nap this afternoon. I'm still feeling a bit tired but that is about all.

My son and Daughter-in-law are making us dinner tonight, plus I get to view their vacation pictures from North Carolina. I'd better run for now! If anything changes I'll update this blog soon. If not, I pray you all have a wonderful and safe Labor day weekend.

I do have a praise!

My blood counts were up today.


My blood counts last week

WBC 3.0
RBC 3.57
PNM 1.7
Platelet 270

Thank you all for praying. Only 8 Chemo treatments to go!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A/C Treatment and Taxol Treatment

For starters, I wanted to let those who know me, (or those who are praying for me) know, that I am feeling good this week. I have been able to walk almost everyday and work my full work schedule. I was even able to work my two house cleaning jobs. I had a lot to catch up on this week, due to the fact I was sick all last week. I was able to get the last of my to do list done this morning. My boy's all have hair cuts, they are ready to start school on Tuesday.

With that out of the way, I want to give a little information about A/C treatment and Taxol treatment.

A/C is one of the five most common types of chemotherapy given to women with breast cancer. It includes two drugs: doxorubicin (Adriamycin), and cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). Paclitaxel (Taxol) or docetaxel (Taxotere) is added to A/C for women with node-positive cancer, or in women who've had a recurrence; it's delivered after you've finished the AC.

I'm sure most people think the worst about Chemo. That people spend most of their time with their head in a toilet throwing up non-stop, or they are so tired they can't get out of bed to even care for themselves.

Here’s the good news: That’s almost definitely NOT going to be what happens with with Taxol. The only bad thing about the A/C and the Taxol is how LONG a course it is.

1. What you can expect from Taxol:

You probably will lose your hair. (Probably around the second or third cycle.) Sorry. =( This is one side effect they haven’t made much progress on. As I posted before all of my hair fell out around the 25 day after getting the A/C.)

You will probably be nauseated, at least sometimes and at least a little. The “A/C” drug it is highly emetogenic, so most people do experience SOME nausea. People have differing amounts, however. I seemed to get more than my fair share of nausea, but I only threw up if I tried to eat. I fasted a lot before I started Chemo so I had to find out what worked best for me. Waiting 5 days after Chemo seemed to work really well for me. I drank a lot so I could keep up my energy level. I was still able to work and do things around my house. There are MANY excellent anti-nausea medications out there — they may not prevent every twinge, but if used properly you should DEFINITELY not be spending your days throwing up.

You will be tired. However, although "A/C and the Taxol causes fatigue, MANY people are able to work at least part-time through it, some even full-time. That should give you an idea about the fatigue. I walk for an hour most mornings and I work around 50 hours a week.

A/C and Taxol can cause some other side effects, too. The notable ones I experienced included:

Occasional mouth sores. Using the mouthwash Biotene helped greatly in this regard.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

If you’re suffering a lot with a side effect, don’t be shy about speaking up to your oncologist or nurse about it. Especially in the case of side effects like nausea, there are MULTIPLE drugs that can be tried. So don’t give up.

3. How did I feel after A/C, Taxol?

My experience was this. I’d get treated on Friday (say Friday the 1st). I would be sickest that Friday with a headache, nausea, and a generally ill feeling — think a bad case of the stomach flu. I felt best if I was laying down. Seriously — when you feel that terrible, your best bet is to try and sleep through it. Saturday morning was bad, but by Saturday night I often worked my Janitor's job. With the Taxol I take off the Friday of treatment and that is all. By Saturday morning I'm doing just fine. Sunday was an off and on again bad day, but I can eat with the Taxol Treatments. By Monday morning, I would feel well enough to do my normal day to day job. I have tried to walk each morning as much as I can. I feel better the days that I walk.

4. Frustration?

Most people seem to go through a period — often midway through treatment — where they get really frustrated and depressed. This is entirely normal, and it does pass, even though it is horrible to go through. Just focus on today. If you think about how long you have to go, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Seeing my Oncologist

1. When I was taking the A/C treatment I had to see my oncologist every time I received Chemo. With the Taxol I receive it every week but I only have to see my Oncologist every other week.

I have a short office visit with my oncologist where she will feel lymph nodes, go over how she thought treatment was progressing, ask about side effects and try to address them, or discuss any test results. It is usually about a 10-15 minute appointment.

2. Blood tests: I have to get to the hospital 30 minutes before my Treatments so they can check my blood. I wrote all about this a few post back.

Your RBCs, to check for anemia, including your hemoglobin. If you are low, your doctor MAY withhold treatment, I'm still trying to keep mine up.

Your platelets. My platelets have been fine.

Your WBCs. They will especially focus most not on the total but on your ANC. What is ANC? ANC refers to the percentage of neutrophils (white blood cells that fight infection) and cells that will become neutrophils multiplied by the white blood count (WBC).

It breaks down as follows:
ANC below 2000 is considered to be neutropenia
ANC between 1000-1500 fairly low risk of infection. Chemotherapy will usually be given in this range, but not below it.
ANC between 500-1000 - moderate risk of infection
ANC below 500 - severe neutropenia - high risk of infection
They will also do a basic check of your electrolytes and kidney and liver functions before they decide to go forward with treatment.
Getting your counts depends on the speed of the lab; in general, I would have mine in fifteen or twenty minutes.

(If you’re too low, you’ll likely just go home and your oncologist will either wait for your counts to come up or he/she will start treating you with WBC boosters such as Neulasta. I never had a chemo delayed.)

3. They get your weight, blood pressure and Temperature, the oncologist writes the order, and the pharmacy makes it up.

There’s a formula based on weight and height used to calculate your chemo dosage — my oncologist weighed me each time and calculated the dose from there. The pharmacy then custom mixes your chemotherapy drugs. It used to take about 30 to 45 minutes to fill the order.

4. Pre-Meds and Fluids.

Because A/C and Taxol causes nausea and vomiting, your doctor SHOULD pre-treat you for nausea. If he isn’t, then I’d want to know exactly why. The “A” drug causes nausea and vomiting in over 90% of those who get it. Thus pre-treatment should be mandatory in my opinion.

It usually takes about thirty minutes to give your anti-nausea drugs. These are given via an IV drip. Some common ones include:

Decadron (a steroid — usually combined with one of the other drugs listed.)
I used to get Emend, with the A/C Chemo (a pill), then Aloxi and Decadron via IV. (My Port)

A tip! Emend costs like $360.00 for three pills. Make sure your blood counts are ok and you’re getting treated that day before you take it.

Along with the pre-treatment drugs you’ll likely be getting some fluids. The pre-treatment drugs shouldn’t hurt, burn, or cause any symptoms. They also don’t taste bad or anything like that.

Tip Two: Make sure your oncologist has given you a prescription for nausea. Anti-nausea drugs work best when used BEFORE you feel sick. The pre-treatment drugs should last about 12 hours, but after that you will take pills. I recommend taking it around the clock, rather than waiting for nausea to develop.

Tip Three: It’s helpful to have two anti-nausea drugs. Take one around the clock, and keep the other as a reserve for “breakthrough nausea” — nausea that occurs despite the other drug. And again, treat at the first twinge! Nausea is easier to control than it is to treat.

I had a lot of nausea with the A/C treatment, so that’s why so many tips on this part. it’s quite likely you won’t have as much as I had, but I think better safe than sorry.

Staying well-hydrated is very helpful.

You can bring a friend

This really helps the time go by faster. My Oncologist told me I needed to bring a driver for the A/C and the Taxol treatment because of the side effects to the Medication have to give me.

Chemo is usually given in recliner chairs — Your first Taxol treatment will be in a hospital bed. You will be in a room by yourself. You can bring your driver in.

If you have any questions, leave me a comment and I’ll try to get back to you ASAP. Also, if you think there’s something else that would be helpful to add to this post for future patients, please let me know that too!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The will to Survive

I know for a lot of people, it seems like there is no way you can survive Cancer. I went through so many different emotions when I found out I had cancer. All of these emotions are real but there is someone that you can turn to, someone that can get you through even the roughest of days. I know because I'm living through it right now. I am taking it one day at a time. I know longer look to the future and plan things way in advance. I get up and live each day to its fullest and at the end of the day, I thank our Awesome Lord that He carried me through yet another day.

When I was first diagnosed with Breast cancer, I had a lot of hurdles to jump. First the biopsies. Then the surgeries. Now the chemo. The the baldness, the nausea, the joint pain, the muscle aches, the mouth sores and the fatigue. Soon 38 radiation visits, they say more fatigue. I can't wait until the moment I can say this is my last treatment, will I breathe a sigh of relief.

I also went through a state of fear.

What if I’m never the same? What if I can’t live with these scars? What if they didn’t get it all? What if it comes back? Will I have to go through this again if it comes back? Will the treatments really help? Will my hair really grow back? What if it’s not so treatable next time? What if I’m dying and I just don’t know it yet? What if, what if, what if...My mind was overwhelmed with what ifs.

Then came the doubts.

Will my husband still find me attractive, how can he stand looking at me, will my children be embarrassed of me, will I ever feel normal again....

I even had the fear of so and so or this person or that person seeing me like this. I tried to hide when I would see someone in the store that I knew or at school when I signed my kids up. Will I always feel this way? Will I always have to make myself face people?

Then there is the heightened awareness of every physical sensation. I have a headache. The cancer must have went to my brain. My back hurts. I must have spinal mets. I forgot where I put my keys. The cancer must be worse than I thought.

The other day my hips started hurting really bad. I instantly thought, I must have cancer in my hips. I reminded myself that they checked me for that a while back.

I wanted to find out how other cancer survivors handle these fears so I started searching the Internet. I wanted to find out how other cancer survivors have been able to move on with their lives, what has helped other women get over the fear of the unknown future.

Well after my very long search, instead of assuaging my fear, the article greatly increased my apprehension. Really? Seriously? That’s all you’ve got? I wondered. Am I really supposed to be less afraid.

I decided that the best medicine for me was placing this all in the Lord hands. Reading His Word, Praying, resting on His promises. Each and every day I have to turn it over to Him. Those fears and doubts try to rob me of my joy.

I finally came to the understanding within my own mind, if the cancer does come back and it's not treatable, then I will die. We are all going to die. None of us has the assurance that we will live another day. So there you go. If the cancer comes back and I die, I will be with the Lord.

The only reassurance I’ve been able to find in all of this is in Psalm 139 that says, “All of my days were written in Your book before one of them came to be…I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

The only meaningful answer I’ve been able to find for the lingering questions of an unknown future is that I have been made by a Creator who knows me and loves me and has carefully planned the day I was born and the day I will die.

Any other hope seems at best trite, and at worst, a lie.

Anxiety medicines are temporary. Even the best-intentioned family and friends are human and will let you down sometimes. And while cancer advances are encouraging, and, I pray the reason I will stay alive a bit longer, they fail, too.

But our Creator? He never fails. He is never late. He is never wrong. He knit my being together in infinitely careful detail, and He is the sovereign master of every part of me.

I surrendered my life to Him long before this cancer came along. And no matter what happens, He is, as He has always been, Lord of my life, my death, my career, my finances, my health – and yes, even my hair.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Monday After my 3rd Taxol Treatment

I feel really good this morning. I really do think the reason I have been feeling so bad had a lot to do with my bodies reaction to the Benadryl they had to give me. I felt really good all weekend.

Maybe this won't be so bad.

Only 9 treatments to go!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Taxol Treatment # 3

I have a praise report and a prayer request.

First and foremost, I want to thank Nancy Burnett for taking me to my Chemo Treatment. Because of the Benadryl that they give me, they won't let me leave without a driver. They really can't due to the fact my reactions are very slow due to the drugs. Nancy has offered many, many times to take me to my chemo treatments. What a servants heart this woman has.

Praise Report

They only had to give me half of the Benadryl yesterday. This was big for me. I really can't stand that drugged up feeling. With half the Benadryl I was still loopy or I guess more tired then completely drugged. I only had to sleep for a few hours after I got home from my chemo treatment. Today I feel pretty good.

Pray Request

My blood counts are pretty low. They said if they get any lower they won't be able to give me my chemo treatments until they come up some. I was pretty sick last week and I had stopped taking a product that I had been taking to keep my blood counts up. It is a product called Monavie. I guess in the back of my mind I really didn't think it was doing any good. After this little trial this week I think I'm going to go back to drinking my half a bottle a day and see if my blood counts raise. I really want to be done with Chemo by the end of October so if you could please pray that my counts go back up this week I would be very grateful.

My blood counts last week

WBC Normal range is 4.0-10.0 My count was 3.1
RBC Normal range is 4.2-5.4 My count was 3.52
PNM Normal range is 1.7-7.6 My count was 1.8
Platelet Normal range is 140-450 My count was 199

My blood counts this week

WBC 3.0
RBC 3.57
PNM 1.7
Platelet 270

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Side effects so Far

I've went through 6 A/C chemo treatments and 2 Taxol treatments.

Side effects so far

I lost all of my hair

I lost 20 pounds-That seems to be staying off right now.

I'm just starting to loose my eye lashes

I've been pretty tired the last two weeks; This week was the worst.

I have some joint ache, mainly in my hips and lower back.

I've had a lot of feet problems. Blisters, cracking, dryness

I have tingling, numbness in my hands and feet.

I have cracking in the corners of my mouth.

These are the side effect so far.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fighting the Flu

I caught myself a little bug this weekend and I've been fighting to get back to normal since Sunday. In church on Sunday morning our quartet lead Worship and did special music in our 8:00 a.m. service. I was feeling a bit tired but not really that bad until right before we sang in our 10:30 a.m. service. During Sunday school I kept getting colder and colder. By the time it was over my stomach was very upset and I was very chilled. I thought it was just nerves because I had a little solo in our quartet piece we did. By the time I got home from church on Sunday my whole body hurt. I slept from 12:30 p.m. until 8:30 p.m. Sunday night just to return to bed at 10:00 p.m. I felt a little bit better on Monday but I was still not feeling right. I slept until I had to go to work at 11:00 a.m. Today was a lot better but I was still very tired out. I just thought I'd better sleep as much as I could so I could get over this. My husband wasn't feeling well on Monday night. He had the same systems I had on Sunday and John came down with it this morning. (Mom don't worry, I'm feeling a lot better tonight)

It is taking me a bit longer to get over things these days with the Chemo and all but I did get over it. Please pray for me as I go into my third taxol treatment on Friday. I'm really not enjoy having Chemo every week.

God is still carrying me through all of this.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Second Taxol Treatment

I was up bright and early this morning so I could get my hour walk in before my Chemo Treatment today. (Thanks Maria for being willing to get up at 5:30 a.m. to walk with me) The time goes by a lot faster when you walk with someone.

A little information about my Chemo days

Now that I'm on Taxol, I only have to see my Oncologist every other week. Today, My sister-in-law Sandy (Thank you Sandy for taking me to my Chemo today) picked me up at 7:30 a.m. we had to be at the Cancer center at 8:00 a.m. so I could get my blood work taken before my chemo treatment.

After they figure out if my counts are good, they call me back and order my Chemo.

My blood counts

WBC Normal range is 4.0-10.0 My count was 3.1
RBC Normal range is 4.2-5.4 My count was 3.52
PNM Normal range is 1.7-7.6 My count was 1.8
Platelet Normal range is 140-450 My count was 199

These are the four counts that determine if I can get Chemo or not.

Fridays will be pretty much filled with just taking Chemo and recovering from the meds they have to give me so I won't have a reaction.

They first bring you back in a room filled with recliner chairs. These special chairs are for the chemo patient. I think there are 12 chair in this room. There are 6 other chairs behind curtains for first time Chemo patients. Plus, 4 rooms with beds in them for sicker patients and first time taxol patients or it could be for any chemo that might cause a reaction. The nurses stay with you a bit more in the rooms.

They then prep my chest port so I can get the Chemo.

There are still needles. They use a special type of needle to access a port. ((It’s called a Huber Needle, if you really want to know.)) You do get stabbed, except there is no need to hunt for a vein and rather than getting stuck in your arm, you get stuck in your chest. By the way, stabbing a port is called “accessing it.” Nice euphemism, but it just means stabbing.

Your chest has less nerve endings, so the stabbing isn’t close to as bad, (don't get me wrong, it still hurts) especially since they almost never ever miss. Plus you can put cream on it to numb it before you go get stabbed if you really are afraid of needles (I use a lot of this cream before I got to chemo. I have forgotten a few times and it really did hurt a lot worse). Also, there is no cumulative damage to your arm, hand, or other veins.

After getting my port set up they put in my meds. They stat with 20 cc of steroids and then they put in the nausea medication. I then get the Benadryl, this stuff makes me very loopy. As soon as they gave me the Benadryl, I'm really out for the day. I first laugh my silly little head off. (this is very embarrassing really) I then can't process or think clearly to carry on a normal conversation. I really can't understand why people like that drugged up feeling. Tonight, I just feel very sluggish.

I'll be honest, when I first found out I had cancer some terms that I have heard in the past were really pretty foreign to me.

The term my cancer is in remission

The term remission is used to describe the shrinking of cancer. It is used by doctors to categorize the extent of the shrinkage of the cancer.

Complete remission is used to categorize cancer that is no longer evidenced in tests, scans and x-rays.

Partial remission is used to categorize cancer that has shrunk but is still present.

Complete remission may mean a cure, however in some cases it may return. Partial remissions almost always return.

Another term I really didn't understand was "Cancer Free after Five Years).

After 5 years of many test and if they don't detect any cancer, my Oncologist said they would say I was cancer free.

The Healer

I heard this on a friends blog and it blessed my heart.

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You

I trust in You


I believe You're my Healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You're my Portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus You're all I need


Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

The words to this song are so true. "Jesus, your all I need"

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

4 days After

I was tired this weekend but nothing that I couldn't handle. I slept for 6 hours Friday afternoon after my Mom dropped me off from my first Taxol chemo treatment. I was able to work Saturday and Sunday at both of my jobs and do Worship team on Sunday morning. What an Awesome day of worship we had both music and preaching. Pastor Brian did a great job bringing us God's Word. Matthew 5 Forgive, seventy times seven.

This Chemo is nothing like the AC. I was able to eat on Saturday without much trouble at all. Besides being tired but not tired to the point were I couldn't keep functioning. Things went fine this weekend. I did sleep alot on Sunday afternoon and Monday morning.

I was up bright and early this morning to get ready for my husband's Birthday party tonight and to walk with my friend's Maria and Joe. We had a great walk! I really feel good this morning. I really do, really, really, really!

Now I'm Walking On Sunshine Amen!
I'm Walking On Sunshine, Oh Yeah!
I'm Walking On Sunshine, Woooohoooo!
And does it Feel Good, (Hey) (All right now)
And does it Feel Good, Yeah!!

I do have a bit of water retention in my hands today and tingling in my fingers. It is almost like they were asleep and they are trying to wake up. Nothing I can't deal with but I want to make sure I write down in detail what I am going through so I will remember. I didn't have the swelling with the AC. My feet are still cracked and the corners of my mouth is cracked. Just the Chemo trying to get out. I have been really trying to put as much lotion on everything as I can.

I'll update this blog if I have any other changes before my next Chemo on Friday.

Friday, August 8, 2008

First Taxol Treatment

It has been a few hours since I received my first Taxol Treatment. Besides being very loopy and tired from the medication they gave me, I'm doing really good. NO complications to the Chemo!

Thank you all for praying! God answered our prayers.

Thank you Mom for taking me. It was a bit of a long morning but as always it was pretty fun. Lori on drugs! I'm sure it was a pretty funny sight. I'll have to let my mom write about that one.

My Oncologist told me she thought I was doing really good. I have been praying that God would show me how I can be used through all of this. My Oncologist asked me today at my appointment if I would be willing to head up a support group for Cancer patients. This is all so unreal! I have been asking God and talking about something like this with Maria and Jessica. I haven't really done anything about it yet and here God has placed it right into my lap. My Oncologist said someone will be contacting me soon so I can get started.

The reason I opened up this blog is so I can help others going through this same thing. I am so glad that I started writing down everything so I can help someone else. I have been so upfront on this blog because I feel that is the only way that people can pray for me and secondly so I can help someone else. Even though sometimes I think my feeling are foolish, they are still my feeling. God knows, I am only human with real feeling and emotions. I hurt and cry and sometimes I just don't understand all of this. Slowly God is revealing things to me.

I give God all the Praise and all the Glory!

One way or the other, I'm in the Master's Hands

I didn't sleep well last night. I get myself so worked up. By tonight my first Taxol treatment will be over and I can put this ill feeling behind me.

I guess just not knowing if I'm going to have a reaction to this new treatment gets me worked up. I had my bad days with the last Chemo but God helped me get through even the hardest of days. I know that I'm in His hands one way or the other.

The Master's Hands

In His garden I come to pray
Amongst the cathedral of trees.
I see the beauty of His masterpiece
As I fall on bended knees.

He sends the songs of birds
To break the gentle silence here.
With His hands He rustles the leaves
As I gaze upon His wonders near.

I feel His presence in all these things
Though only for a season it will last.
But the peaceful solace of communion
Shall be eternal and never pass.

We are but a grain of sand
In God's eternal time,
Yet His masterpiece comforts me
Til the path to Heaven I climb.

Susan Anne Cochran
© 2003

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Calm me Today

OK, I have tried all morning to blog. Truth be told, I'm scared to death about tomorrow. I hate being pumped full of Chemo. I can feel it in my body. The first few Taxol treatments are going to be long; 3 or 4 hours, depending on how I do. The Chemo reacts differently to every person. They have to watch how it goes in because it could burn my skin, or give me a rash....The list goes on and on.

They have to give me Benadryl each time because of the side effects. I have never been able to take Benadryl or any other kind of drug without it putting me to sleep for the day. I don't like to go to sleep. Even as a little girl, mom would make me take naps, I didn't want to go to sleep. (I might miss something) She would call out after a while and ask if I was sleeping. Silly me, I would answer, "Yes" I would forget not to answer. Plus, my wig might fall off or I might drool. GRRRRRRR!

The last time I had Chemo all these ladies were sleeping and I couldn't figure out why. They were getting TAXOL. We are all in a room with recliner chairs and their is a chair beside us for our guests. I'm going to be soooo out in the open. My mom is going to take me to this first one so at least she can watch out for me. I know all of my concerns seem silly but they are still concerns to me. I must be totally upfront in this blog or how can I help another person going through this. I just need to turn all of this over to our Awesome Lord.

I need pray!

That I won't have a reaction to the drug and that I will stay calm today and tomorrow.

O Lord Jesus,

Let me not stray away from you when others fall away.
When things seem to totally unravel and I feel like I am going crazy, please bring me the calm of your love. Oh, how I need You today.

When I feel weak and powerless, empower me with your calm and order.
In my chaos, bring me reason and a clear head.
When chaos seems to overtake my life, show me how you are the source of my peace.

When I want to scream and cry because I cannot seem to control anything anywhere, please give me your power to stand this test.

In times of calm, help me pray and meditate more.
In times of peace, help me know how much of a blessing your peace is in my life.
When I feel alone and cannot find your voice, open my heart to hear you tell me how much You love me.


Monday, August 4, 2008

Do you have any Questions?

I have been asked a few questions concerning my wig. Some of them have me still laughing. I really don't mind answering people's questions concerning my cancer at all. If you don't ask, you won't know.

I thought if one person has this question, other's might.

Do I sleep with my wig on?

No, I sleep with a hat on. I'm still trying to deal with being bald.

Is my hair growing back yet?

No, not at this time. My Oncologist said my hair will start growing back about two months after my last Chemo.

Will my hair grow back in the same as it was?

I was told that normally your hair doesn't come back in the same. It normally grows back in nicer. I want it to grow back in and look like Jen Rossi's hair. I love her long cruly hair.

Do I walk around the house bald?

Yes, as a matter of fact I do. (When I think everyone is sleeping) It took me a while but I sat at the computer this morning bald. My 10 year old grandson (who I thought was sleeping) asked me why I was emailing people under Nana name. He then said, "Oh Nana, I thought you were Boaz."

Am I going to post a picture on my blog of my bald head?

NO WAY! There will be no pictures, no reminders.

Will I lose my eye brows and lashes?

I haven't so far! Let's pray I don't.

Little bald humor

You might think I'm whacked-out but here are a few funny comments from my son Bo and Ethan regarding me losing my hair from the Chemo. Hey, what can I say. I have to keep laughing. I refuse to let this destroy my life or my personality.

Boaz wanted to know about the Chemo so my husband and I told him that the oncologist told us the worse thing I'm really going to have to deal with is my hair loss. Boaz looked at me and said, "Dad is not going to want to sleep with you with a bald head. If he reaches over to rub your shoulder, he won't know if it is your bald head or your shoulder." I could not stop laughing at his comment. A little while later we turned the lights off to go to sleep. My husband reached out and started rubbing my shoulder. I said "How do you know if your rubbing my shoulder or my head". Hee, hee

Last night we went to my oldest Grandson's soccer game. It was a bit cold out last night so my husband brought blankets for me to cover up with. Ethan jumped up on my lap and got underneath the blankets. He kept staring at me with a funny little look on his face. I finally asked why he was looking at me so funny.

Remember he is only 5.

He said, "That looks real." I said, "What looks real." He said, "I know Nana that you have a bald head." he said, "Your hair, it looks real." I said, "Ethan, this is my real hair." He said, "Your not going to go bald? What if you do, if it is windy will your hair blow off." I assured him if my hair blows off, he needs to run and get it as fast as possible because it cost me $165.00. He asked me to tell him more funny story about my wig. We are going to be just fine. My family loves me for me not for my hair or how I look.

My Fourth Chemo

I had my last heavy Chemo treatment Friday July 25th. I will admit last week was a very long week; I was very tired. I had so much to do and not a lot of energy to do it.

Let me back up a bit! Because of the fifth Sunday we had in June it moved all my Chemo treatments to the Friday I lead Worship. I think it just took more out of me then what I was willing to admit. By Monday I was drained of all my my energy. All last week I was just trying to get through the day. I also had to get my twins ready for camp. They went with their best friend's camping for 10 days.

I'm feeling a lot better now; I've just been really busy. I'll try and update this blog more often.

I still want to write about how they administered my Third Chemo treatment and how sick I got and why it is important to have someone that really knows what they are doing administering your Chemo.

I start my next set of Chemo this coming Friday. I don't know yet all the side effects I will have. I think each person is different and they really have to go through it to tell how it will effect them. I could name all the side effects but I still really won't know how it is going to effect me yet. Time will tell!

God carried me through the hardest Chemo and I lived...Plus, I didn't get sick. I won't say that it's not really getting on my nerves to have to take time off work, putting a wig on my head everyday, being tired and having to sleep more. It's very frustrating for me BUT I'm making it through. I'm really just taking it one day at a time. I make it through ecah day and rejoice that God has allowed me to have another day hear on earth with the people that I love.

I still need pray! Please pray that when this is all said and done that I will be Cancer free. I still have a long year ahead of me. Three more months of Chemo and then a month and a half of radiation treatments.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Thank You


Thank you for reminding me why I am here,

Thank you for convicting me of my sins,

Thank you for opening up my eyes to the path that I was taking,

Thank you for showing me who really loves me,

Thank you for loving me even at my lowest points

May everything I say, and everything I do, be Glorifying, uplifting and pleasing to You.

You have restored me unto you and I want to "Thank you".


"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (I Corinthians 10:31).

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.(Psalm 19:1).