Thursday, August 7, 2008

Calm me Today

OK, I have tried all morning to blog. Truth be told, I'm scared to death about tomorrow. I hate being pumped full of Chemo. I can feel it in my body. The first few Taxol treatments are going to be long; 3 or 4 hours, depending on how I do. The Chemo reacts differently to every person. They have to watch how it goes in because it could burn my skin, or give me a rash....The list goes on and on.

They have to give me Benadryl each time because of the side effects. I have never been able to take Benadryl or any other kind of drug without it putting me to sleep for the day. I don't like to go to sleep. Even as a little girl, mom would make me take naps, I didn't want to go to sleep. (I might miss something) She would call out after a while and ask if I was sleeping. Silly me, I would answer, "Yes" I would forget not to answer. Plus, my wig might fall off or I might drool. GRRRRRRR!

The last time I had Chemo all these ladies were sleeping and I couldn't figure out why. They were getting TAXOL. We are all in a room with recliner chairs and their is a chair beside us for our guests. I'm going to be soooo out in the open. My mom is going to take me to this first one so at least she can watch out for me. I know all of my concerns seem silly but they are still concerns to me. I must be totally upfront in this blog or how can I help another person going through this. I just need to turn all of this over to our Awesome Lord.

I need pray!

That I won't have a reaction to the drug and that I will stay calm today and tomorrow.

O Lord Jesus,

Let me not stray away from you when others fall away.
When things seem to totally unravel and I feel like I am going crazy, please bring me the calm of your love. Oh, how I need You today.

When I feel weak and powerless, empower me with your calm and order.
In my chaos, bring me reason and a clear head.
When chaos seems to overtake my life, show me how you are the source of my peace.

When I want to scream and cry because I cannot seem to control anything anywhere, please give me your power to stand this test.

In times of calm, help me pray and meditate more.
In times of peace, help me know how much of a blessing your peace is in my life.
When I feel alone and cannot find your voice, open my heart to hear you tell me how much You love me.

Amen

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

God hears you, that is why he changed the dates for the chemo Mom gets to go first with you so I will make sure you don't drool!
Your hair will be okay. Plus you never sleep if I told you too!hehe
I will be there with you and it will be okay if you sleep. I am Praying too that God carries you through this chemo even more.
Now remember your oncologist said this one will be easier than the other. So I believe that because you did so well with the other and remember God is carrying you.
You are Loved, Gee maybe they can give me a recliner and I can sleep too! Woops then I won't know if you drool. I Love You Lori.

Love
MaMa

Anonymous said...

God hears our prayers, I will continue to pray for you Lori. He will be right there with you.

Teresa B

Maria (Red) said...

Lori, I will keep praying for you, especially tomorrow. God has brought you so far already and He will keep you strong.

Lori said...

Mom,

Thank you for going with me today. I know you will watch over me and care for me. I really had a good time with you two weeks ago at my Chemo treatment.

I love you with all my heart,

Lori

Teresa,

You are so sweet to think of me in prayer. I need it right now. I didn't know if I should open this blog up to my dear friend's or not but I am glad I did. I want so badly to be able to help others that are going through this same things. I also want my church family to know how to pray for me at this time. I pray I see you on Sunday so I can give you a big hug.

Love,

Lori

Maria,

You have been such a dear friend through all of this. I just want to thank you. I'm going to walk this morning so please call if your going to walk. I'll call you later if I don't hear from you.

Love you,

Lori