Do not watch movies that have to do with cancer patients. We watched "Term (I think it should be call Tears) of Endearment" last night. I normally do not cry at movies. I might get a tear in my eyes but I never cry like a baby. When that young mom had to tell her boys that she would not be coming home from the hospital... Goodness, I could still cry! Her youngest son cried the whole time he was in the hospital room. It just broke my heart! I can't even imagine having to tell my little Bo that mommy wasn't going to make it. I kid you not! I was in the bathroom sobbing for at least ten minutes before I could get myself under control. I chuckle now but when I came out of the bathroom my husband asked me if I was getting a cold. LOL! I told him that the movie was way to close to home.
At times, I can forget I have cancer. Really, I can. As I laid on the couch last night and watched that movie, everything seemed so real. I really could die from this. Am I ready to go? I don't know! I know that I am ready to be with the Lord. I'm ready to see my little Joshua again. I'm not ready to leave my family, my friends. I've never really allowed my mind to go there. Now that it is there, I just don't know how to feel. Oh, you've got to know I'm sitting here crying my eyes out just typing my thoughts about all this into the computer. How do you die? I have no idea! What do you say to people as your dying? As each one of my family members come into my mind, I'm wondering what I should say to them. On my other blog I started sharing with my family members what they mean to me. I started with just a few people but I think I'm going to make it something I do weekly. I don't want to wait until my death bed to let people know how much they mean to me. I'm sure God will give me piece, if and when, it is time for me to go home.
Enough of that! I have a to do list that I must get done this morning. I'm feeling ok today. I'm just tired!
Happy Mother's Day
8 years ago
3 comments:
You are so Loved! I sure wish you had not seen that movie.
Yesterday I found a note from you, you wrote it a long time ago.
When Bret was little. You expressed your love.
I am so Thankful you are who you are and that God is carrying you each day.
God is not preparing you to leave your family, He is preparing you for His Ministry that He needs you to do for Him.
You are already reaching others for Him, at the treatments who's blood work is actually going up! You let them know God is carrying you!
Everyone needs the Hope you have.
You are Loved, SO Loved!
BTW you have to many people needing you! So smile you are going to be OKAY! Prayers for you my daughter!
Love
MaMa
LOL!! Sorry Mom for very sad post. You will have tell me what the note said.
I'm back to my normal self today. I will admit I was a bit frightened after watching that movie but I had such a long day on Sunday. I think I over did it just a bit. I'll have to share with you how crazy my day was. I was going from 12:30 a.m. until 10:30 p.m. I was only home for 2 hours of that time. I have no idea how I was able to do everything I had lined up to do.
Love You,
Mom
Hey P,
Thanks for your email. I promise I will keep my joy. I know I don't cry often but yesterday was just one of those days. With Aaron leaving for his deployment last Monday and the boy's going back to school, I'll admit, it has been a bit depressing. I'll be back to normal soon. I have even been driving the boy's crazy in the morning singing song I have no idea what the words are. LOL! As soon as I got in the John asked me to please not try singing this morning. Hee, Hee
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